(no subject)

Saturday, May 31st, 2014 04:49 pm
verloren1983: (fma: to new adventures!)
Okay, so now for a few general updatey things!

No, I didn't gather up the courage to call about the tax thing yesterday. I'll try again Monday. *sheepish*

Only a chapter or two away from finishing Catching Fire. I'm reserving commentary until after I finish Mockingjay, but for now I'll just say that I still kind of like the movies better, not gonna lie. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME, WHAT THE HELL.

I also have a bunch of other books out, including The Witches of Eastwick (because I love John Updike's short stories) and The Joy Luck Club (since I've read probably about half of it through various classes anyway at this point, might as well just finish the damn thing- also, I do like what I've read so far). So we'll see how those go, too. ALL THE READING. :D

So somewhere around... what, January or February, I realized that there was a lot more to Natsume Yuujinchou than I had previously thought- I'd only ever seen the first season, which was a long time ago, and there are actually FOUR. So I set off then to work on downloading everything. Well, I finally finished that recently and as of last night, rewatched season 1. Season 2 will start tonight. Wee! It should be fun. Also, the cute little boy fox should be in EVERY EPISODE EVER. Actually, maybe that wouldn't be a good idea, I'd probably die of squee. XD

Gaming hasn't really been happening. Oops. ^_^;;;

★ On the upside, I haven't had coffee in two full weeks as of today. Wee! On the downside, I haven't had coffee in two weeks. XD No, really, it's fine. I had a massive migraine the first couple of days, but then it eased off. It's just rough on days like today where it seems like I didn't sleep well, that's all. XD

★ (Edit- I remembered something after the fact, of course) Grades came in, by the way- all A's. Phew. ^_^;;; So that means that I'm transferring with a cumulative 3.93 GPA. Not too shabby.

I feel like there should be something else here, but the library is closing soon, so I need to go. Hopefully will have something interesting to report soon. \o

FML

Thursday, May 29th, 2014 09:32 pm
verloren1983: (Aww Crap)
So I have a short list of questions from Krim to get through, and I should probably do at least a minor update, but I've got to talk through this first, because it's the thing that's weighing most heavily on my brain as of this afternoon.

Cut for money and tax angsting )

31 Day Meme, Day 6

Tuesday, August 6th, 2013 09:28 pm
verloren1983: (Default)
6. Your 5 senses right now
Uh, the same five I always have? This is a dumb question.

As far as non-meme stuff, here we go:
☁ My certificate of residence for school has been acquired. I had to spend more time dealing with my mother than I would've liked in order to accomplish this, but whatever, it's done. Now I can pay my bill for school. The plan is to deal with that tomorrow.

☁ Saw an apartment Saturday. Good location, big room, roommates are not super neat freaks, gay friendly, super cute kitten (who spent most of the time pretending that I was a good climbing tree. Good thing I wore jeans. XD The guy was like, "wow, she really likes you already.") It's at the top of my "I can afford this" range, but I'm not sure I'm going to get much better because rent is freaking ridiculous here. He's still showing the apartment, so we'll see what happens. I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm going to text him tomorrow and see what's going on. In the meantime... I should probably make some more phone calls tomorrow too. Ungh. I want to do that about as much as I want a hole in my head. I fucking hate calling people, and of course most of these are like "phone calls only!" YOU GUYS SUCK.

☁ Need to go to old work and talk to Dave about saving boxes for me. Even if I wasn't planning on moving, I would probably still do this, because I'm at a point where I just feel like I'm moving things back and forth to and from the same places in my room, and getting stuff put away in boxes would at least let me put things away neatly in an orderly way instead of haphazardly thrown everywhere.

TL;DR- Family bullshit )

☁ Oh yeah, and did I mention that classes start again on the 26th and I'm both freaked the hell out about it and can't wait to go back? Need to get sleep back in order. It was better and then it wasn't, sooooo. <_< It's not nowhere near as bad as it was at one point, but still not terribly good.

☁ So basically, long story short, I'm super stressed/anxious about EVERYTHING and trying to keep up with my daily cleaning sessions and mostly failing, so. On the upside, it does look considerably better just from what I did today?

☁ I've also been working on a random fic bit I found in my bunny folder. I... don't even know how this happened. But yay writing?

(no subject)

Saturday, July 20th, 2013 06:46 pm
verloren1983: (Cookies)
☁ BG- It's um, going. Sort of. There is a not even half baked idea, and there are words, at least? We'll see. <_<

☁ It's been BRUTALLY hot and humid for the last week or so, but thankfully it's about 15 degrees cooler today and the humidity is supposed to FINALLY break overnight, last I heard. Thank god. Seriously, the other day it was fucking 97 with a heat index of 106. And yes, I know to some people that's not a big deal, but I live in freaking upstate NY. IT'S A BIG DEAL HERE. When it's hotter here than in Miami? Or AUSTIN? There's something wrong. I saw a thing on facebook the other day where somebody was like, "I think NY weather is broken" and that about covers it. It was seriously hellish. Kelly went up to the boyfriend's house last night (she even tilted her fan towards me before she left, heh), so I took the opportunity to strip down to my underwear and slept that way. I woke up feeling nice and cool, it was GLORIOUS.

☁ Speaking of heat, my laptop has... not been dealing with it well. Like it turned itself off several times the other day because it was overheating. I'm not entirely sure whether it's the heat/humidity or whether it's something more serious, like the laptop is dying, but in the meantime I'm attempting to find my cooling mat and taking "keep temperature down" measures- blew out the vents/fan/everything I can get to, energy consumption is set to power saver, the battery has been taken out, have the vents pointed at my fan, and I'm trying to run as few things as reasonably possible. Right this split second it's running around 150, which is pretty normal, but again, that's with all that stuff going on AND it's cooler today, soooooo I dunno. I really don't want to buy a new laptop. :/ (Mostly I don't want Windows 8) It wouldn't be AS big of a deal, considering I have the netbook, but home internet hasn't worked on the netbook ever since the cable company changed our router box. :/ I copied a bunch of stuff to the external HD anyway, in any event.

☁ It's mostly been too hot to clean really, but I did get the giant pile of crap in front of the closet cleared out, so I can actually- gasp- get in it now. Shocking, I know. In theory, that should make it easier, but now that I don't have a clear directional goal (like "get to the closet"), I'm feeling a little lost. But I guess... as long as I keep chipping away at it, it doesn't matter, really.

☁ Anime: Not a whole lot happening there. I knew I'd burn myself out eventually, because that's what I -do-, and it seems like that's what's happened. I'm still watching the new stuff as it comes out (Free is still fun, Brothers Conflict is still terrible, Silver Spoon I haven't really made up my mind about yet), and I managed to watch another ep of Tsuritama (it's still weird), but that's really about it. But this is normal. I'll cycle through some other media for a while before I come back to inhaling anime again. ^_^

☁ I did watch a couple of episodes of Doctor Who, so I'm now a few episodes into series 5 now. After seeing a few episodes with 11... I think I like him. :D Also of interest- as 11, Matt Smith is incredibly dorky looking. And not in a good way. He's apparently had a haircut, and he doesn't even look like the same person. Turns out he's totally adorable in a cute nerdy sort of way! O_O *was not expecting that*

☁ Oh, and I played The Walking Dead special 400 Days thing (I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I purchased the download for my xbox, but I won't do that again for season 2- I just don't have the hard drive space on that machine. I'll have to wait on season 2 until they put a disk out. Sadface.) My overall reaction was that I wish they'd picked one or two characters and stuck with them, instead of introducing five in such a short time span. You didn't really get to know anybody, really- though I like what I saw of Wyatt and Russell. Of course, those were the two that decided to opt out at the end. Argh. >_< So I actually have to go through it again... which is okay, because I did some stupid ass shit with Wyatt anyway. Seriously. There's a point where you have the option to try and drag this half-dead guy back to your car or leave him to get eaten by walkers, and for some ungodly reason I was like, yeah, let's drag him. Kelly was watching me play and was like, ".....what are you DOING?" "I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?" Which I guess... is one of the most interesting things about the game, really, since they give you no time to think about your decisions- you just have to go on your gut instinct. I tend to not always think things through to potential consequences, and my decisions definitely tend to lean more towards mercy and helping whoever I can when possible. I'd give examples, but spoilers. :P Which... yeah, can result in some really stupid choices as far as keeping myself/my group alive and safe. Whoops? XD

And on that note, I may or may not lie down for a bit because I have a migraine that doesn't want to go away (usually only napping cures those), and then it's some grownup stuff like laundry and figuring out what to make for dinner, and cleaning. Hopefully working on/finishing this thing for BG. Maybe. XD



(no subject)

Sunday, August 26th, 2012 11:08 am
verloren1983: (fma: to new adventures!)
Apparently "soon-ish" means a month later. Whoops. ^_^;

Blah blah blah )

verloren1983: (fma: to new adventures!)
☁ How is it that I'm STILL finding stuff that I assume is from when I was drugged all to hell from appendix-splodey times because I don't remember downloading it? WTF, self? THAT WAS THREE YEARS AGO. The sad thing is I'm not even kidding.

☁ The new term for gay is apparently now "rainbow-y". I'm totally using that the next time I come out to someone. "I'm rainbow-y. :D" *gigglefits*

☁ I should be working on [info]blind_go . Which, by the way, I still haven't started. Instead, my brain is torturing me with completely unrelated bunnies. One is finished at a bit over 2k and the other one isn't even close to the point and it's already over 2500. *headdeskheaddeskheaddesk* To add insult to injury, I've also totally been the queen of typos lately. WTF. I'm usually more careful than that in fic. At least. I -think- I'm more careful than that in fic. XD

☁ Somehow having both "Pay credit card bill" and "Do homework assignment" on my to-do list from the other day is a little O_o inducing. XD

☁ E-mailed a different person about an apartment share. I ACTUALLY GOT AN E-MAIL BACK! \o/ She has a few people interested, though, which doesn't surprise me considering availability in my area. I also was upfront and told her I that I'm gay (not in the initial inquiry e-mail, I promise XD), as much as that makes me cringe to basically go "Hi! I'm gay!". Because that's a potential dealbreaker and I'd rather not have issues with that later. Hopefully something will actually come of this one, but I'm not going to hold my breath. If it does pan out... it's for June 1st, so that gives me time to pack and clean and get things done, even if I don't do anything before [info]blind_go  is due. (And holy SHIT that's due in a little over a week, asdjklsajdksal). I just need to get a freaking move on... needs to get done anyway.

☁ I've been staring at my icons a lot lately- particularly the ones that were done in paint before I had photoshop and are therefore absolutely TERRIBLE quality. Cue Ver expression: :/ That's probably not a good sign. Especially since a lot of them I would need to go and get screenshots of again, and. Ugh. I did, at least, redo one of the LJ ones that was bothering me the most. It's not fantastic or anything, but it's miles better than what it was. Like. I might actually use it on occasion now. XD

☁ I've also been staring at a site I previously didn't know existed, because apparently they're having a sale, and trying to figure out whether I want to purchase anything. (vague reference is vague) But then I think... I probably want to wait on that one, TBH. Especially if the apartment thing works out- I need a new mattress anyway, but it gets put to priority if I move, because I am NOT moving that piece of shit mattress anywhere but the garbage heap. Just saying.

(no subject)

Monday, March 14th, 2011 03:16 am
verloren1983: (Gaming)
I really should be doing laundry, but pffft. Don't feel like it. I'm also really super tired, but rather than do the intelligent thing and go to bed, I'm just going to bore you all to tears instead. XD

- Been feeling bloaty and icky and exhausted lately, and I have no idea why. Spring is coming- that usually jazzes me up- so I don't know what's going on at the moment. Hrm.

- I realized quite unpleasantly that one of the evil plot bunnies I've been avoiding for MONTHS now (because it's wicked depressing and there's SO many things I could mess up)... could very well end up a  multi-chapter fic should I ever give in and write it. BAH. All the more reason to ignore that one. *glares at the bunny*

- Speaking of which, the bunnies have been weirdly active lately. This is good- to a point. It's not exactly helping me to post the backlog of fic, though. XD Also most of them are still things I don't want to write. Stupid bunnies. *grumbles* On the upside, the backlog of fic is decreasing, slowly but surely. Hopefully I should be finished with it sometime in the next year. >_<

- The ten year reunion for my original class is coming up. I've been invited. I didn't graduate with them, mind, but... ugh, ten years, seriously? Where did all that time go? I have no intention of GOING though. There's really... maybe a few people I would like to see, but that's about it, and I don't really think it's worth putting myself through the stress for. I'll admit that a big part of it is a high level of embarrassment on my part. I am certainly nowhere NEAR where I would like to be at this point in my life. Which yes, is kind of a sore point and I don't really feel like explaining to people how I've ended up in the gutter. It's just... bigger things were expected of me. I expected bigger things from me. So I think going to something like a reunion and having to show my general failure would just be torturing myself. If I at least had a date I could bring, that would be immensely better, but alas. Maybe by the time the 20th comes around, I'll not be completely mortified by the thought of having to explain my life to people I knew as a child.


And for Jet- Suikoden II Thoughts So Far :P )

(no subject)

Friday, March 26th, 2010 12:25 pm
verloren1983: (*facepalm*)
My sisters are horrible enablers, just for the record. We went to the mall on tuesday to hang out, and somehow I got talked into getting a second piercing in each ear. O_o I'm still a little baffled as to how that happened. I was four when my first ones were done, and that was fairly traumatizing. XD My mom had wanted me to have my ears pierced for school... while I'm sure that she asked and explained it somewhat, and I'm sure I agreed to it, but... at that age, you really don't understand what they're going to do to you, you know? All I remember is sitting in that chair screaming bloody murder. I also remember my mom being all pissed off when she tried to quiet me and saying that I was overreacting, but that may have been something my brain added later. Memories are tricky that way. ^^;;; So yeah, absolutely no idea how I got talked into getting another one, but there it is. Kelly got her fourth, too. It was sort of amusing, she turned purple. :P It wasn't as bad as I remember it, though, which is good. Hurt a little but then it was over. ^^ Cleaning them hurts a bit, but they don't look infected or anything, so.... ??

Urgh. I -really- want to play Dragon Age, but I -really- need to do my taxes. <_< With Erin here, I haven't been able to play hardly at all, so while the TV is actually available......... >_> To be responsible, or to not be responsible?

...dammit.

(no subject)

Thursday, March 19th, 2009 01:49 am
verloren1983: (Gaming)
YAY. Days off are good. <3 Staying in and recharging ones batteries? Even better. ^_^

1. I think I'm mostly better with the exception of a lingering sore throat. Yay. Well, and headaches that don't seem to be going away, but that could be a combination of factors. My hair is too long, for one. Yes... I do get migraines if my hair gets too long. Ugh. I also need to get my eyes checked. May need a new prescription. Also overdue for the girl bit, so that may be playing a hand in it too.

2. Got linked to this really cool site- The Backloggery. Basically it's like MAL for video games. The idea is to keep track of what games you have, what you've finished, what you're still working on- so that you can go through your backlog and finish games that you already own. A fantastic way to not only keep track of things, but to remind yourself why you don't need that new game right now- you already have xx games unfinished! However, I didn't need to know exactly how many games I have....... and I haven't even started putting in ds, advance, or snes games. *headdesk*

On that note, I've picked up Suikoden IV again, since I've had that almost finished for... well, forever. And I'm reminded quite vividly why I hate levelling up. *sigh* It's so BORING. And where I'm at level wise, it takes freaking FOREVER to go up just one level. And I can't go anywhere fun to level up- I'm stuck where I am, so basically, I have to go up and down these stairs from hell fifty billion times to go up one level. I'M SO SICK OF THESE FUCKING STAIRS! *growls* Can't I just magic myself to level 70? Pleeeeeeeeease? I also really, really hate the final boss. There is no reason a freaking TREE should be kicking my ass like this at level 63. Granted, I missed the final hammer and so can only sharpen weapons to level 12 instead of 16, but COME ON.

3. I have been successfully keeping my checkbook balanced since Friday. Score! This has two purposes. One, I'll actually... *gasp* KNOW what's in my account instead of a vague "Well, I've got to have at least this much..." Two, it's a way of tracking my spending so I can see EXACTLY where my money's going. And trim accordingly. ^_^ For now, my only reaction is, holy crap I use my bank card A LOT. XDDD

4. Started watching Merlin. First episode down......... eh, I dunno. I'll keep watching it for now, but there are several things that bother me. What doesn't bother me? For whatever reason, it brings out the snarky comments, which is highly entertaining. We'll see what happens. *shrug*

5. Apparently Aki's friend pegged me as gay the first time I met her. *sigh* Well, it's not the first time that's happened when I've met someone. Which sort of baffles me. I'm... more on the androgynous side, yeah, but I'm not butch by any stretch of the imagination. And it's not like when I first realized I was gay and so wore something rainbow-colored all the time- that stuff has been in the back of my jewelry box for several years now. Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "DYKE" or something? Jeez. XD I'm just curious.
verloren1983: (blind_go (Sanity))
I'm waiting for laundry to finish and I'm bored, so how about another entry so you guys are bored too?

1. Good thing: My federal income tax refund got deposited into my account yesterday! \o/ So..... dropped a check in the mail for the bigger of the two hospital bills I still have. Which is the vast majority of my refund, and then the rest plus the state will go toward the other bill (but not pay it off completely). *sigh* This whole being an adult thing kind of blows. I mean... yeah, I could've gotten a computer with that money, sure. That's what I -wanted- to do. But this hospital thing has been a thorn in my side and a source of MAJOR worry from the start, and having one less thing to worry about plus the other nearly half paid off? Is a good thing. I'm already breathing a little easier, and that, to me, is worth not getting a computer right now. Plus? Once all this is over? I can start saving for one. *_*

2. Get to go in an hour early both Saturday and Sunday. *siiiiiiiiiiiiigh* I was told yesterday that Jeremy's "feeling better but he still tires easily, so we need you here early both days." ........................................................... I'm going to try really, really hard not to punch this kid tomorrow. He has a freaking COLD. Yeah, it sucks, but DEAL WITH IT. The rest of us have to. After Sunday, though, I'm not doing anymore favors, I don't care. So you guys shouldn't have to listen to me bitch about this anymore. ^_^;;; On the upside.... yay bigger paycheck?

3. [livejournal.com profile] blind_go  chat tonight~ I won't be there till after work obviously, but there should still be people there when I get home. :D YAY

............whoops, gotta go. See you guys later! <3

**EDIT** Turns out I don't have to go in early. Mr. Bossman said they'd be okay for an hour both days. SCORE! :D
verloren1983: (One Person A Day)
Yay, I get to work nine hours every day next week! ….shoot me. Please. On the upside, that means I get ten hours and a few of those will be overtime, which will give me roughly 80 bucks extra in the check for next week. Coolness. Oh, and the bank FINALLY decided to deposit my paycheck which should’ve been done Thursday morning… but of course they took the $35 fee out first. So this whole fiasco cost me $140, and I now have all of 50 bucks in my bank account right now. Lovely. I couldn’t find my checkbook (you know, the ledger part, I have the checks) so I got a small notebook today to write all my transactions in. Because now that I’ve fucked up once I’ve got to make sure that it doesn’t happen again… which means balancing my checkbook every freaking day, because I’m anal like that.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate seeing people that I used to go to school with? Yeah, it sucks. Especially when I’m at work. It’s like… yeah, I work at CVS, I haven’t gone to school, I live with my mother and have absolutely no life. That’s great. You know what I hate more, though? When you bump into someone that didn’t give you the time of day in high school, and now they act like you’re long lost friends or something. It’s like… cut the act, will you? We never even spoke in high school… let’s keep it that way. We didn’t like each other for a reason.

On a completely random note, my hair is black now. Whoops. It’s darker than I’d wanted it… good thing is that it’ll wash out a bit over the next few weeks, so hopefully then it’ll be alright. Besides the fact that I plan on highlighting it next week. So that should help.
verloren1983: (Pissed)
Sonofabitch. I really need to start balancing my checkbook… I’ve never had a problem with it before, so I was never all that worried about it. Well… I apparently miscalculated the amount of money in my account by about $20. Which normally wouldn’t have been a big deal except money’s been REALLY tight lately and I spent some 53 odd cents more than what I actually had. Whoops. So of course there’s a fee tacked on to that, so I’m about 35 bucks in the hole at the present time. Because I suck. Then again, this is the first time that I’ve overdrawn ever… and we’re all allowed to fuck up once. This should be my wake up call- pay more attention to the money you’re spending, jackass!

Oh, yeah, and I have to renew my LJ subscription by the 8th. And the underwire snapped in one of my (two) decent bras the other day (decent, of course, meaning that they’re not so run down that they have zero support), which is just fucking wonderful. And my shoe situation gets more desperate by the day, as my work shoes are quite literally falling apart. The sole is about halfway separated from the rest of the shoe now. In other words, more money I have to spend… joy oh joy. I’d feel a little bit better about this if I had my income tax money coming soon, but as I have yet to find a place that even has the necessary forms so I can even DO them… ugh.

On the upside, when I was out spending money I didn’t have I got Brokeback Mountain on DVD, which I didn’t even know was coming out, and the Chronicles of Narnia (love that movie). So I finally got to see Brokeback… it wasn’t life changing like I’d heard it was, but it WAS really good. Thoroughly depressing. Oh, and I finally got around to picking up The DaVinci Code, because I keep hearing it’s amazing and I’ve been meaning to read it for the longest time. Yay.

I almost kinda hope that Paul isn’t working today, because I’m still pissed off at him for calling in on Sunday (when I know that chances are really good that the only reason he called in was because he was fucking hung over) and putting me in a level of hell somewhere near the Earth’s core. Yeah, it was that bad. Let’s just say I closed up shop early and was out of there by quarter after eight because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was seriously going to hurt someone… badly.

Random Rantage

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 05:15 am
verloren1983: (Pissed)
The good news is... I now have ink in my printer and Harry Potter. The bad news is... I ended up spending about $110 to do this, and made two trips to Wal-mart and one trip to Target. Ugh. Basically... Stef and I went to Wal-mart to get the movie. I got the ink and two copies of Harry (one for me, one for Kelly's birthday). Spent about 75 bucks. Stef and I went back to my house to watch it... and were majorly pissed to discover that there were no special features. Turns out there are two versions of the damn thing, and we wanted the special edition one that Wal-mart didn't have, because Wal-mart is evil. Well... I'd already opened one, so I couldn't take that one back, but there was still the other. So after watching the movie we went off to Wal-mart for the return (15 bucks back in pocket). Then hopped over to Target because they DID have the good ones, and then spent 50 more bucks for the two DVD's (cuz Kelly would kill me if I gave her the one with no features on it)... urgh. It was just... frustrating. And I have no money until Thursday, which is always wonderful.

Mom and I finally had that "talk" she's been threatening. Of course, she started with her typical "You can't live anywhere for what you give me a month". Yeah, I know. That's why I still live here, remember? Because I can't afford my own damn apartment. Basically, I'm supposed to give her an extra $100 a month. Yeah. You realize I'm giving her almost half of my paycheck now? And she wonders why I can't move out... because after she gets "her" money, and after I buy groceries for fucking three people and a cat (and almost no help from her, thankyouverymuch), I'm pretty much done. And then to add insult to injury, she started on me about getting wireless internet again (she won't let me attach my computer to the modem unless we set it up for the wireless that SHE wants- but I have to pay for all the equipment and shit, which is just screwed up), and when I told her that it's too expensive, she was like "No, it's only about $100." And this is a day after you just squeezed an extra $100 a month out of me that I don't really have to begin with... how dare you! I don't see YOU shelling out the cash to get it done- because it's a lot of fucking money, and you know it, you just like your little fantasy that I have all this money and I DON'T. It's a lot to be just fucking throwing away... BITCH.

(although, on an afterthought... it might be worth it, just to shut her the fuck up... not to mention it would mean that she couldn't bitch about me being on her computer.)

Alright, enough whining... Suikoden IV is calling my name (I'm almost done, yay!)... later!

(Best line of the day: "Holy orgasm, Batman!" ~Stef)

Bah

Saturday, January 28th, 2006 02:22 am
verloren1983: (Cry)
Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to wander into someone's online journal, only to realize that it's actually someone you KNEW when you were growing up? *shudder* I'm half tempted to go over and say hi, but then again... maybe not. The less people I subject to my incessant ramblings, the better. Besides- it's like "Yeah, I'm 22 and I work in a dead end retail job and I still live with my mother." That's real impressive. Granted, I'm only living with my mother BECAUSE I have a dead end retail job that pays shit and therefore can't afford my own place, and I do pay a fair portion of the bills, but still. That's just going to bring the thought to mind "Well... that's... pretty pathetic." Ugh. I don't even know why I give a damn about what anybody else thinks, but I do. I don't think anybody is even aware of how much it kills me to admit that.

You know... I never REALLY realized how much of a coward I am until yesterday. Well, I mean, I knew, but I hadn't thought it was quite as bad as it really is. Kelly mentioned yesterday that she's thinking about getting a Myspace account and I completely freaking FLIPPED OUT. Not at her (of course), but as soon as she left the room I did a complete edit of my profile/journal on that site, making sure to delete anything that referred to my sexuality in any shape or form. Hence... my return to Livejournal after almost a year of yet again forgetting I even had the stupid thing. I need to journal, because I'm like that, but I need a SAFE place to journal where my nosy little sister can't find it. OpenDiary is pain in the ass (not to mention they got hackers a while back and lost several months worth of people's journaling... so let's just say I don't trust that site too much anymore), so Live Journal it is. Of course, I have the attention span of a two year old, so... we'll see how long that lasts. Overall... I'm so incredibly ashamed of myself for selling out like that. And it leaves me wondering- what am I so afraid of? It's not like Kelly would be surprised if I came out to her. I mean, the kid has asked me on several occasions if I was gay. Her homophobe idiot boyfriend has strongly suspected for a long time, and he's the one that originally brought my kind of obvious gayness to Kelly's attention *coughITTAKESONETOKNOWONEcough*. Mom suspects I think. No, I know she does. And I really don't see my extended family too much, so even though it would kind of hurt if they rejected me, it would be okay. The only person I'm really sorta worried about is Rodney, my cousin Mary's husband. I'm not sure how he'd react. Especially considering that he has two little girls (nine and five), and some people have the very wrong idea that gay people molest children. (Okay, I'm sure some of them do, just like some straight people do it, but that's a very small minority and I would never ever touch a child. Period.) Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. My point is, I'm not really sure why I'm okay telling everybody BUT Kelly and my mom. While I'm figuring that out, I guess I'm just going to have to deal with being a paranoid nitwit.

I got my hair cut on Saturday and I completely hate it. It's entirely too short- but then again, my hair grows fast so in a couple of weeks it'll be fine. It's all good.

In other news, I found my bank card... underneath a bag of clothes in my room that I haven't moved in over a month. ?? No idea how that happened. Oh, and I finally got my W-2's in the mail... all I need now is the bank statement on my interest for the year and I'm all set to do my taxes. I should get a nice juicy check this year... ~hello~ x-box, new clothes, and a mattress that doesn't try to pierce me to death!

Alright, I'm just going to go away now. Until next time!

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December 2014

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