verloren1983: (Cute)
11. List 15 of your favorite things
- Internet
- Friends
- Reading
- Anime
- Manga
- Video games
- Writing
- Scrapbooking
- Taking pictures
- Movies
- Season: fall
- Cats >^_^<
- Things that are funny. See: George Carlin
- Food
- (15 things really are a lot of things) Computer
Cut for anxious rambling. XD )

31 Day Meme, Day 6

Tuesday, August 6th, 2013 09:28 pm
verloren1983: (Default)
6. Your 5 senses right now
Uh, the same five I always have? This is a dumb question.

As far as non-meme stuff, here we go:
☁ My certificate of residence for school has been acquired. I had to spend more time dealing with my mother than I would've liked in order to accomplish this, but whatever, it's done. Now I can pay my bill for school. The plan is to deal with that tomorrow.

☁ Saw an apartment Saturday. Good location, big room, roommates are not super neat freaks, gay friendly, super cute kitten (who spent most of the time pretending that I was a good climbing tree. Good thing I wore jeans. XD The guy was like, "wow, she really likes you already.") It's at the top of my "I can afford this" range, but I'm not sure I'm going to get much better because rent is freaking ridiculous here. He's still showing the apartment, so we'll see what happens. I'm not going to hold my breath. I'm going to text him tomorrow and see what's going on. In the meantime... I should probably make some more phone calls tomorrow too. Ungh. I want to do that about as much as I want a hole in my head. I fucking hate calling people, and of course most of these are like "phone calls only!" YOU GUYS SUCK.

☁ Need to go to old work and talk to Dave about saving boxes for me. Even if I wasn't planning on moving, I would probably still do this, because I'm at a point where I just feel like I'm moving things back and forth to and from the same places in my room, and getting stuff put away in boxes would at least let me put things away neatly in an orderly way instead of haphazardly thrown everywhere.

TL;DR- Family bullshit )

☁ Oh yeah, and did I mention that classes start again on the 26th and I'm both freaked the hell out about it and can't wait to go back? Need to get sleep back in order. It was better and then it wasn't, sooooo. <_< It's not nowhere near as bad as it was at one point, but still not terribly good.

☁ So basically, long story short, I'm super stressed/anxious about EVERYTHING and trying to keep up with my daily cleaning sessions and mostly failing, so. On the upside, it does look considerably better just from what I did today?

☁ I've also been working on a random fic bit I found in my bunny folder. I... don't even know how this happened. But yay writing?

verloren1983: (Kitty Ahhhh!)
☁ I've wandered back to playing Ghost Trick the last few days, which is... interesting. I still love the art style, very different. I can't wait to find out more. The further I get into the game, the more I suspect that Sissel is not a good guy. Right now I'm trying to distract the crazy writer lady so her daughter can call her father. I'm not sure how far that is exactly, but meh.

☁ Looking at possibly getting a dictionary and a thesaurus for school- no, I don't have them currently- but I've always just used internet for that, so I'm not convinced I even need to spend the money. Thoughts?

☁ Had Thai food today. :3 Verdict? It's... very different from anything I've ever eaten ever. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just weird. XD I had a pineapple curry which was REALLY GOOD, but the combination of super sweet and spicy sort of broke my brain. XD As good as it was, I'm not sure I would get that particular thing again. I would try other things though, absolutely. :D

☁ I just got a letter in the mail from a collection agency saying I owe almost $700 to a local electric company... which I have never dealt with. I would blow it off, except for one thing- when Erin was setting herself up in an apartment of hers years ago, I let her use my name for the electric company- with the explicit promise that she wouldn't fuck me over. Yeah, well... looks like she might've anyway. I messaged her about it, so we'll see what happens. Either way, I'm not paying it. It's not my responsibility, and I certainly don't have $700 to blow on fixing something that I didn't even do. SHE will be paying for it. God, I feel sick. Sooo basically right now I'm waiting for a response from her. I just. AKJDLASJKDL. I'm SO FREAKING OUT, you guys. THIS SHIT IS ON MY CREDIT REPORT. I'm going to throw up. Or cry. Possibly both. I mean, here's the thing. If it was my debt and I knew it, I would obviously  take ownership of that because it was CLEARLY my fault and I would take the hit to my savings account. Obviously. The thought that I have been screwed over so badly and this is on my GOD DAMN CREDIT REPORT when I was doing my sister a FAVOR is just. Too much. Especially since when I get my apartment for the fall, I won't be able to get electricity to my place until this is taken care of. BECAUSE I TOTALLY NEEDED THIS SHIT. *sobs in a corner* (And before anybody says anything, it is NOT beyond the statute of limitations on collecting debts in my state. I checked.) I'm trying to decide whether it's worth the hassle to try to get them to delete the record from my credit report once it's paid- it's going to disappear from the report in September 2015. A little over three years. Might be worth a shot though? I mean, the worst thing that's going to happen is they say no. On the other hand, it would be a lot easier if Erin just paid it online, which I don't think she can do if I do that? But then since the debt is under my name, they might not let her do that anyway? I don't know. I'm not really sure how this works, to be totally honest. Whenever I've owed anybody money I just shipped off a check. XD

...god, I so need to do laundry and I can't concentrate on anything right now.  Fuuuuuuuuck. >_<

(no subject)

Saturday, November 26th, 2011 03:50 pm
verloren1983: (Aww Crap)
I have a few minutes to kill, so I might as well post this entry that's been sitting in notepad for three days, right? XD

I really need to post more often so this doesn't happen... )

(no subject)

Thursday, June 9th, 2011 02:54 am
verloren1983: (Aww Crap)
Fair warning- I'm probably going to be pretty scarce the next couple of weeks. CLEAN ALL THE THINGS- Cut for FLAIL! )

☁ I totally didn't keep up with the online writing class I'd signed up for, but I saved everything for later and took the final exam (multiple choice on the material- I've always rocked at those :D), since that's due Friday. Got 100% and therefore earned my certificate for it since that's the only thing that counts. Yay. And now I know that online doesn't work for me. ^_^;;; Sad, but at least now there's not a question.

☁ New bras~ I'm actually clearly a little bit over a DDD, but not enough to move up to an F. It's nothing that a little maneuvering can't fix, so I'm not going to worry about it. Buy one get one half, so I got a bluish grey one and a brown one. So at least I have a couple of basic bras that fit. (It's so nice to consider something besides nude and black "basic"!) It's funny, changing back into one of the old ones after trying on the new size really hammered home for me exactly how much it really doesn't fit. It was just all of a sudden "Holy crap, how have I been wearing these all this time?" Also, I actually look more proportional now. I mean, I still have large breasts- obviously- but at least now they match the rest of me better instead of the boobs being pretty much everything you see. If I end up being in this size for a while, I might think about getting one or two more nice ones. We'll see what happens. I'm not spending a ton of money just to change sizes again, you know?

☁ Randomly I'm missing Kingdom Hearts and wanting to play it again. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I can't decide which), my copy is still out on loan. Urgh. I'm also randomly wanting to watch Junjou Romantica again- this is actually doable, since I have it and it's only 24 episodes I think. Probably shouldn't though, I have enough new stuff to watch as it is.

☁ Sadly? This is typical of New York politics- a fucking circus. It's almost as if politicians here aren't happy unless they're making a god damn spectacle of themselves. And people wonder why NY is such a mess? JFC. That being said: yes, he's a jackass, but as long as it doesn't affect his work, I don't see a problem. His personal life is absolutely none of my business. Any indiscretions are between him and his wife, bottom line. (Though seriously, you would think he would've learned from Bill Clinton that it's better to just fess up. Just saying.)

☁ Okay, I need to try to get some sleep- I have a long day of work and then cleaning ahead of me. Oh yeah, and there's going to be some nasty storms too when I'm going into work. Yaaay. Something tells me that the next couple of weeks are going to SUCK.

verloren1983: (Cookies)
(Before we start, I'd like to say that I'm sick and on cold medicine, so if there's anything that doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance. I'm trying to make a serious post here, but I'm not sure how well it's going to work out.)

Edit: Apologies. DW doesn't seem to want to cut this properly, either. *kicks it* I know this is long, and I would cut it if I could. I'm not trying to be obnoxious. Please don't kill me. XD

So I was talking to a coworker the other day about the hair thing- mainly, how my mother and younger sister react to it. It's something I've been thinking about since, and figured it might make an interesting discussion topic.

First, the explanation for myself. I keep my hair cut very short. It's not meant as a statement, though I'm aware that it DOES make one. That's not the intention. I cut my hair this way because I like it this way, plain and simple. I don't see why I should let stupid things like rigid views of femininity or what other people think decide anything about myself. In the same spirit, I often wear men's cologne as well... the ones I like, of course. I'm not about to do something like that just to be contrary. I enjoy that aspect of it, yes. But it's not a contributing factor in those kinds of decisions. I like my hair short. The fact that it pretty much screams DYKE in ten different languages is just a fun bonus. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't a lesbian, or if I wasn't bordering on genderqueer. Maybe I would care more about how society looks at me if I was a straight, cis female. But I'm not, so I can't say for sure on either count.

That being said, reactions to my short hair have been overwhelmingly positive ever since I first cut it. I've had many women tell me that they wish they had the guts to do it. Which baffles me, really. How is it particularly brave when it's just hair? I'm not doing anything permanent to myself. If I don't like it, it'll grow back. Seriously, IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. But I've never had any emotional attachment to my hair, either, and a lot of women do. Plus it goes back to not wanting to defy social norms, I guess. Regardless, I have it on good authority that it's a look that suits me. I get that it looks "cute" a lot, which honestly makes me cringe so hard on the inside. Perfect example: today I had an older woman tell me, "I wish I could cut my hair that short, but I would look like an old man. ...It looks cute on you, though!" *twitchtwitch* I try my hardest to ignore those comments and just take in that I can pull it off.

Yet every time I get it cut- especially this last time when it got REALLY short- my mother and younger sister declare that they hate it, that it doesn't look good on me, what have you. My mother even went so far as to say to me, "Why did you let them do that to your hair?" as if a weed whacker had been taken to it. Um, I told her to? Kelly, too, regularly asks me when I'm going back to long hair. I won't say never, because I honestly don't know, but it's not going to be at any point in the forseeable future, that's for sure.

So I got to thinking about WHY they're so threatened by this look. Seriously, I think that's what it is. What other explanation could there be for them clinging so tightly to the idea that short hair is terrible? I think there's some disconnect there between who they think I am and who I actually am. I have never been a girly-girl type. Ever. Yes, I had long hair for a long time- too long, really. But I was overly hung up on what everyone else would think if I cut it the way I wanted it. Plus it was ordinary. It let me hide and not bring attention to myself. It wasn't a reflection of my personality or who I was. It's closer to that now, I think. Regardless of what people might say, I think most of us think of women with short hair as less feminine, even if we don't necessarily see it as that. I have to wonder if it's maybe hardwired in our brains or something, because it's just kind of automatic. I know personally, I first wonder if they're gay (but that also may be just because as a gay person, I'm auto-looking for someone like myself). I also tend to think of short haired girls as lower maintenance and more down to earth than girls with long hair. I think maybe part of that too is my own personal experience- I have yet to see a woman with short hair that also had pounds of makeup on and dressed up and everything. So I tend to see them as... less like these high maintenance plasticky creatures and more like someone I could actually relate to. And me myself being sort of androgynous, I guess I see them that way too. If that makes any sense. Of course, I'm not saying that all girls with long hair are high maintenance or anything ridiculous like that. I'm just saying that it really does change the impression you give off, whether it's something you want or not.

The bottom line is, the hair clearly says "I'm gay. Have a problem with that? Too bad." And my family, clearly, has a problem with that. I think they can't deal. And since they can't pick at my sexuality because I'm not officially out to most of my family (gee, I wonder WHY), they pick at my hair instead. Which is pointless, because I just roll my eyes and do what I want anyway. They know this about me. So then why keep harping on about it if there's no ulterior motive? Don't misunderstand me, I don't think it's intentional, at least for the most part. It's probably largely a subconscious thing. However, that doesn't make it okay. They want me to be someone I'm not, someone I've never been. Growing my hair out again isn't going to suddenly make me straight anymore than cutting it made me queer in the first place. They need to deal with that. At the very least, they want me to hide myself better, because they're not comfortable with me being open and out there with it. They would rather at least try to pretend. The way it stands now... yes, I'm obvious. I'm done hiding. I'm never going to be exactly what the world thinks a woman is "supposed" to be. But you know what? Most women don't live up to that standard, including my mother and my sister. I guess I'm far enough away from it that it makes some people uncomfortable. That's fine, it's their problem, not mine. I'm not going to change how I look just because some people are dicks. It's really just an annoyance at this point... but it does make for an interesting social experiment. When I was downtown last week, I was in jeans and my cloud/rainbow scarf t-shirt, plus the super-short hair. At times, yes, it felt like people were staring and I got a bit self conscious about that. As I passed this one group of men, they started calling things out at me, though I'm not sure what they were because I had music blasting in my ears. I probably didn't want to know anyway. Yeah, at times it felt a bit as if I were on display. As I said, though, it's interesting to see how people react to you in those kinds of situations. So would I do it again? Probably.

So what I'm curious to find out from you guys is, what do you think of all this? What do you think when you see a younger woman with short hair? (I'm not counting older women, because from my experience, it's a lot more common for 50+ ladies to chop their hair off. It's much, much rarer for women under 50.) How do you see femininity, masculinity, society's views on both? How do you feel you fit into the gender spectrum (if at all)? Do you think you get treated differently because of how you present? I realize my flist consists of mostly cis-gendered straight-ish women, so responses to the last couple aren't likely to be varied. I figure it's still worth a shot. Could be fun.
verloren1983: (Aww Crap)
 ☁ Still exhausted. I woke up the other day with a sore throat and stuffy nose. Yaaaaaaay. Hopefully it'll go away like colds seem to be going away for me lately- I've had quite a few "false starts" this season where I thought I was getting sick but then didn't. So far the hoping doesn't seem to be working, since I'm still all stuffy and miserable, but. *crosses fingers and toes*
☁ A little late to say this, but feel free to ignore previous post. Still feel that way, but I'm feeling a bit more sane about it, I guess? That kind of stuff isn't something I usually inflict on you guys. I'm blaming hormones and lack of sleep for that one. Especially since I really have no idea what's going on hormone-wise. My body did the girl thing for a day and then stopped, no lie. I don't know either. :/
☁ On a related tangent to the previous post... Erin has been joking around about me moving down with her for a while now. (Actually, SINCE she moved down there.) At this rate, it's going to become a serious conversation at some point. I know I would -HATE- it in the summer- New York is too hot for me, I don't even want to think about Texas. But it would still be a step above where I am, and I could hopefully find a job and save up some so that I can move somewhere that I would actually WANT to be. Because even if I did move to Texas, I can't see that being someplace that I'd want to live long-term. You know?
☁ Lappy has been restarting on its own more and more. I knew it was some kind of overheating problem, but I wasn't really sure why- most of the time, I sit with lappy sitting on the arm of the couch with the fan hanging over air- nothing obstructing the fan at all. After yet another restart, I hit google... I couldn't do quite what it said simply because apparently Toshiba has to be difficult and made it so that you have to take the whole damn laptop apart to get to the fan, but I did blow out the fan as well as I could through the vents with compressed air. It hasn't restarted since I've done it. Also lappy sounds SO much better, so clearly it needed to be done. Seriously. *hugs him*
So. Compressed air: not just for keyboards. Good to know.
☁ On that note, one more point for Chrome- when lappy does the suddenly restarting thing, Chrome DOES NOT LOSE ALL MY GOD DAMN TABS. Whereas Firefox, more often than not, does. (And yes, I have it set up to save them. Doesn't work if the laptop turns itself off in self defense.)
☁ In other news, I've more or less talked a co-worker into going to Pride with me. :3 There will be much fun and drinking. I would've gone anyway even if I'd been by alone, but it would've been a little awkward and I would've felt a little loser-y being there my myself. So yay. And she's bi/pan, so no awkwardness with the gay thing. Should be fun! :D

☁ There are potential plans in the works for a family meetup this fall... with Kelly and I going to see Erin, and then my father will supposedly come as well. I. Ugh. I'm supposed to be giving the idea a shot, but honestly? I don't WANT to. Maybe I'm being a bit of a child about this. I'm willing to accept that. Aside from not wanting to see him, this is my VACATION we're talking about. We are talking about me not being able to relax the entire week because he's there- during the time when I'm supposed to be able to relax and have fun and not have to worry about anything. I understand that it'll be easier if it's the three of us together. I really do get that. But it doesn't change the fact that I told Kelly I didn't want to have anything to do with this, and I told her that for a REASON. That reason being that I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. Point blank. I don't know, maybe I'm being too selfish here. Am I being too selfish here?

(no subject)

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011 07:31 pm
verloren1983: (Sigh)
☁ I sent out that check yesterday morning, so... no taking it back now, eh? ^_^;;;;;;; I'm SO freaked. It's just a non-credit class, but... it's been nine years since I've been in school. Even if this IS just a trial run, it's still scary. :/ *incredibly nervous!*

☁ So I saw a current picture of my father. God, time has not been kind to him. I mean, I know he's older now than when I remember him from- the man is going to be 55 this year, and he was never a particularly handsome guy to begin with- but wow, he looks like HELL. He looks at least 10 years older than he actually is. Just... wow.

Also he made a Facebook account, and friend requested both of my sisters but not me. I kind of understand why he didn't- Kelly told him I didn't want to have anything to do with this- but dammit, it would've been nice if he had at least TRIED. Is it really so wrong to want him to show some kind of effort after all this time? Honestly, I'm pretty conflicted about him at this point. It would be nice to be able to have a relationship with my father... but I can't forgive him, and I certainly can't trust him. So what kind of relationship would that really be anyway?

☁ I set up DW to import stuff- I know DW isn't doing that right now to not be a burden on LJ, but this way I can just forget about it and DW will import the stuff when things are better with LJ. It's not like it's a rush or anything. They'll do it when they do it. And this way I don't have to remember to import everything later. ^_^ That being said, trying to put stuff in the DW comm is incredibly frustrating- the bases post, for example, refuses to post right no matter what I do. There's random html tags everywhere and the cuts refuse to work. GAH. >_< At least that only seems to be on that one post? I deleted it, in any case. I'll fool around with it some other time. Maybe.

☁ Recruiting in Tierkreis. Which is kind of annoying, because a lot of it involves traveling in the same areas over and over again. Oh yeah, and there's random battles in those areas. It's a good thing I love this series, because otherwise this kind of stuff would totally turn me off. On the other hand, it's a good opportunity to level up the more severely underlevelled characters? :D

(no subject)

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011 04:53 am
verloren1983: (Crazy Butterfly)
☁ I signed up for that class- which is both exciting and terrifying all at the same time. I was an idiot and hit the wrong button on the payment, though, so I'll have to send them a check. Annoying, but not a huge deal, thankfully.

☁ Asked for a couple of extra days off near the end of the month- a little four day mini-vacation. I desperately need it. Maybe it'll let me decompress a bit. I'm hoping to get some cleaning done somewhere in there, too.

☁ OH, speaking of work, I have to share this. The uniform shirts for work are smaller than standard shirts- you have to go up at least one size. So I've been wearing a 3x ever since they rolled these things out, right? It finally occurred to me the other day that I should probably get at least one smaller shirt, because the old ones? Are halfway to my knees now. It's a little ridiculous. I got Kerry to give me a new shirt, which turned out to be an XL. Which fucking FIT. It's tighter around the middle than I'm entirely comfortable with, but that's how the 3x used to be too (and I had refused to go up to a 4, heh.) And also I got told "It looks fine, stop it." XDDD

☁ In other news, my father called Kelly on Sunday. She'd written him a letter back in August, which I'd honestly forgotten about, so he called and left a voicemail. Weird. The whole thing is just... very weird to me. I'm happy for her- she's nervous, but if it's a relationship she wants to pursue, she should. As long as no one tries to get me involved, if this is what she wants, then good for her. I feel kind of... strangely detached from it, I guess? Though I suppose it's not so strange because it wasn't me he called. So I don't really get to have feelings about that. I just... don't even think about him that much anymore. He hasn't been a part of my life for a very long time- he barely registers as a blip on my radar now. I won't say that I don't care about anything relating to him at all- if I didn't care, then I would be able to forgive him for everything, because why would it matter? But I can't. I understand why he left. God, do I understand why he left. But I can't forgive the way he just disappeared the way he did. How he left Kelly and I with our mother KNOWING what she was like and just leaving us to fend for ourselves. He was a COWARD and abandoned us in hell... so no, I can't forgive that. While I wouldn't wish anything like death on him, I hope it's something that he thinks about every day. I hope he regrets it every. Single. Day.

☁ Put in a reserve for Hikaru at an RP that will be opening in a few days called Camp Candy. (Just the name is perfect for him, at any rate! :3) He'd probably be the easiest to start with, so I'm going to do that and go from there. The best part is that they allow AU versions of characters, so I think I can bring SW!Al there if I choose to. Later. After I figure out whether the RP is working for me or not. I've never joined an LJ RP all by myself without knowing anybody there before. I'm kind of nervous. XD

☁ Go shoeless today: One Day Without Shoes
verloren1983: (*facepalm*)
Not so long between updates! Whee!

-[ profile] blind_go  sign ups are a go! Anybody that's seen/read Hikaru no Go, go sign up! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D As usual, I have no idea what I'm going to write... but it's a shortfic round, so I'm sure I can come up with SOMETHING. ^^;;; I need to restart my Hikago watching, too. I got through episode 10 and stopped. I actually haven't really been watching too much anime recently. I need to stop that, I'm SO behind. ;_;

-Speaking of anime... did anybody else know that they actually made a third OVA for Boku no Pico? God. Talk about wanting to stab yourself in between the eyes with something very, very sharp... because, of course, in the interest of completion I had to watch it. I'm clearly a masochist. And somehow it ended up being even WORSE than the first two, and I didn't think that was possible. *shudder* Traumatized. For. Life. Just saying.

-Don't know if I told you guys, but my DS cracked in the middle. It still worked, but because of the crack, the top is working on getting separated from the bottom, and so I really needed to replace it. I mean, I've had the thing... eh, four or five years? Considering how much abuse it's taken, I certainly have no complaints about its lifespan. Anyway, got a shiny new BLUE one. :3 I've wanted one of those forever. The good thing is that now I don 't have to feel like I'm being horrifically indulgent getting a whole new one just for the color. XD This is LEGIT, dammit. Also I can keep the old white one and use it for travel~ That way if something happens to it in transit, it's not a big deal. :D

-I've been spending way too much money on game stuff recently... Kelly's boyfriend was selling his extra Xbox 360 (how do you even end up with two of those things, anyway? *baffled*) $100 without the hard drive... considering that I'd pay $150 in a shop for the same thing used, I figured it was too good to pass up. I gave him $20, so I need to give him the rest soon. $50 at the game store for a hard drive for the thing (20GB, because I'm probably never going to need anything bigger than that.) $70 for games. Guh. They didn't have Final Fantasy XIII, but they did have the two other games on my "MUST HAVE" list: Dragon Age and Fable II. Started Dragon Age before work yesterday, it's definitely interesting.  That's... actually what I'm going to be doing when I'm done with this. :3

-Last money related bit, I promise. I'm just really excited about this. XD I'll preface this by saying that I basically have no credit. It's this huge catch-22 that you need credit to get credit, which is why I've never been able to get a credit card for emergency purposes. However! I was in Lane Bryant the other day and they're always trying to push their store card... I've been rejected for it before, but what the hell, they give you a discount for trying. I was actually approved this time. O_o Not that I shop there a lot, and I have a limit of $100, but that's FINE. It's something to start with so I can actually start building my credit. \o/!!!! I'm so psyched.

-My older sister is driving us crazy. Thank god she's only here for a month. Okay, that's not a very nice thing to say, but seriously. I love her and all, but jeez.

-My dad and his wife apparently have a website that everybody else knew but me. I'm like... thanks guys. They have a sewing/alterations shop, which is totally weird thinking of my dad doing. He was always the techy type, not the sewing type. Eh. *shrug* There were no pictures or anything though, so I don't know what he looks like now. I was kind of curious. All of this... is not important, it's just a huge WTF for me.

-Colored my hair just for something different. It's a reddish brown... haven't decided whether I like it or not. We'll see. ^^

....weren't these entries supposed to get SHORTER? Bah. Okay, shutting up now. I have a book meme I keep meaning to put up, I should do that soon. XD

(no subject)

Thursday, July 17th, 2008 05:54 am
verloren1983: (Plot Bunnies)
Okay, so I've got this plot bunny... that's the good news, that there's a bunny in existence. The bad news is it's not one I want to write. XDDD For the first time in a long time, this particular icon is very apt. And the worst part? It wants to be a songfic. *headdesk* Shoot me now? And sadly, I don't think I can apply it toward anything I owe, either... I'll probably end up writing it anyway, because it's kind of taking over my brain.

[community profile] fifthmus  fic is at a standstill. *headdesks again* I was going to work on it today- but then ended up getting dragged out with mom for a while, and... yeah. Let's just say I've spent entirely too much on food the last couple of days. I guess the good part about that is that now I don't have to feel guilty about eating the food mom buys to save myself the grocery money (because, you know, less money used for groceries <_<)...

In other money related news, Kelly took $10 off my desk without even asking me first. I came home to a note on  my desk, "I owe you $10, I'll pay you back on Friday!" ......gee, thanks for checking with me to make sure that was okay first. >_< It's not so much the money as the principle of the thing, you know? You don't just take other people's stuff. Well... apparently not.

Alright. My clothes are finally clean and dry (took two rounds in the dryer for some reason <_<) and I'm half asleep, so I think I'll go to bed. *yawns* Screw the shower, I'll take it when I get up. ^_^;;; Night all!

I think there's something I meant to put up and can't remember right now. Hmm...

(no subject)

Thursday, January 17th, 2008 02:24 am
verloren1983: (Sigh)
So I went to the mall today, with the express purpose of bra shopping. The verdict? Meh. I couldn't seem to find anything that fit right. I could've spent more time, but after five bras I was pretty sick of it and left. So, basically, it was a giant waste of time. I suppose I just wasn't in the mood to deal with it today? But... I came home and borrowed Mom's tape measure and measured myself. I... really didn't want to know. Assuming I did it right, I'm a 42H. O_o "H" in this case stands for "Holy fuck", naturally. XD

I went in Borders, though, since I figured that I might as well make sure that the trip wasn't a complete wash. Er... yeah. Volume 11 of Hikaru No Go, Plum Lovin', and volumes 2-7 of Loveless came home with me. <_< Did I mention that I still haven't read the manga that I got a couple of weeks ago? XDDD Epic fail, Ver. Seriously.

One of these days, I'm actually going to learn how to use chopsticks without dropping my food on myself. Today is not that day. *headdesk* On the other hand, I picked up a package of Oolong tea in the Chinese takeout place, since they had them free. I'm curious to try it. ^_^

Kelly's all pissed off at me now because I won't leave the bedroom so she and her boyfriend can be in here and fool around. O_o Dude. I mean, of course she didn't say that, but she said they wanted to be "alone". Now... they're alone out in the living room as it is- the only thing is, obviously, that they can't lock anyone out, so either my mother or I could walk in on them. Hence why they want the "alone time". Honestly, she thinks I'm so stupid when it comes to this stuff. XD

I did nothing the two days I had off. *sigh* At the very least, I need to do a load of laundry before I go to bed. I have zero clean clothes for work tomorrow. >_<

...So I took the floppies off my desk, right? You know what I was just forced to put there in place of them? Manga. O_o I'm running out of places to put books. Seriously. All I can think of right now is Sciezka in Fullmetal Alchemist, when they first met her and she was buried underneath a pile of books. XDDD

(no subject)

Saturday, December 29th, 2007 11:51 pm
verloren1983: (Akira Snuggles)
1. Now I'm really kind of glad I didn't end up writing [personal profile] sivullinen's first [community profile] fifthmus request, which I'd considered- [profile] [personal profile] tarigwaemir wrote it way better than I ever could. *dies* I want to be able to write like that. Honestly. The thing is, I'm mostly a dialogue type person, in both life and in writing... I don't do the deep introspective pieces that make people go "wow". I make them laugh usually, and occasionally I'll get some keyboard smashing or a squee, but... *sigh* And no, I'm not fishing for comments or anything here, it's just... something I need to work on, and I know that. Being aware of your own faults is a good thing, right? XD

2. Now that the holidays are over, I'm starting to look at the things that I owe again- in particular, one of the letter "drabbles" that I'd been working on before. Which is SO no longer a drabble. We're approaching 500 words now and so not done yet. <_< Let's just say there's a character that's been feeling kind of neglected lately and he wants to play. XD *pets him*

3. I think there's only two or three fics left and then I'm caught up on fifthmus. At least until tomorrow. Yay! And... erm... I should probably respond to comments on my own at some point. Yesh. I should do that tonight, actually. *nods*

4. My sister kills me. She waits until almost midnight to tell me that we don't have any cat food. GUH. >_< Not to mention that she was being a complete bitch earlier. *stabs at her* I love how I'm supposed to drop everything when she randomly decides she wants to hang out, but if we have plans and her boyfriend calls, I get ditched. Lately it's been an issue almost whenever I've been rp-ing with Akichan. My sister's response to this? "Well, I had you first, so she can wait." Er... WHAT? I can't stand how her rules apply to everyone else but her, and it's really been pissing me off lately. No, I'm not going to drop everything for you, any more than you would do that for me. I can't believe you even expect that of me. Just because I don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean I don't have a social life (even if said social life is mostly on the computer), and you can't just swoop in whenever you damn well feel like it. I am not at your fucking beck and call. (Er... can you tell that this pisses me off just a little? XDDD)

5. I've decided I need a list of things that I need to take care of this upcoming year. As soon as possible, actually. All of the major things I need to deal with that have to do with money to some degree or other. Feel free to skip. XD

Okay. It's been almost an hour now. I think I need to go to the grocery store and make sure my damn cat has food. Guh.

**EDIT** I got vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce, [profile] aiwritingfic, and it is completely and utterly your fault!
verloren1983: (Harry/Draco)

I should be doing laundry right now, as I have no clean clothes for work tomorrow (today, for the rest of the world)... but ah, fuck it. I'll make some sort of attempt at getting up at a halfway decent hour in the morning. ...Yeah, right. Oh, as if anybody but me cares, I decided to go ahead and get a paid account- only for two months, though, so that way if I don’t like it… I’ve only wasted five bucks, you know? Although I did waste a considerable amount of time today fucking around with my color scheme and whatnot, since every time I played with it I either didn't like the design or the colors hurt my eyes or SOMETHING. So finally we have something that all parts of my brain can agree on. Yay.

I think my brain is conspiring against me. Or maybe just Harry Potter slash writers. Why, oh why do all the good slash writers have to be Harry/Draco? (okay, not all, just most of them) I'm really starting to like the pairing despite myself, and I really, really hate that. On that note: I found some absoutely delicious H/D stuff written by one [ profile] pir8fancier , so if you're into that or at least open to it, go check it out. Gorgeous. Particularly "Let's Just Pretend the War Is Over", which is sad and hysterical and just beautifully written.

I was just listening to “Somebody’s Watching Over Me” by Hilary Duff (shut up, it’s a good song) and had a horrific thought: If our loved ones who have passed are, in fact, keeping an eye on us… that’s a scary idea. I mean… what my grandmother must think of me! What she must think of my virtual standstill, being too afraid to do anything and doing absolutely nothing with my life. And the thing that really gets me about this is that my grandmother was and still is one of the few people that I’m terrified of disappointing. I’m almost in tears just thinking about this, because honestly, she must be SO disappointed in everything I’m doing and everything I’ve become. It’s funny that I’ve listened to the song how many times before, and that never even occurred to me until just now. I need to go… do something. Anything.

(It's completely horrible that I just started three paragraphs in a row with the word "I", and it's completely against The Writer's Guide To Good Writing and All That Shit, but I'm too lazy to fix it. So there.)


Saturday, January 28th, 2006 02:22 am
verloren1983: (Cry)
Do you have any idea how unnerving it is to wander into someone's online journal, only to realize that it's actually someone you KNEW when you were growing up? *shudder* I'm half tempted to go over and say hi, but then again... maybe not. The less people I subject to my incessant ramblings, the better. Besides- it's like "Yeah, I'm 22 and I work in a dead end retail job and I still live with my mother." That's real impressive. Granted, I'm only living with my mother BECAUSE I have a dead end retail job that pays shit and therefore can't afford my own place, and I do pay a fair portion of the bills, but still. That's just going to bring the thought to mind "Well... that's... pretty pathetic." Ugh. I don't even know why I give a damn about what anybody else thinks, but I do. I don't think anybody is even aware of how much it kills me to admit that.

You know... I never REALLY realized how much of a coward I am until yesterday. Well, I mean, I knew, but I hadn't thought it was quite as bad as it really is. Kelly mentioned yesterday that she's thinking about getting a Myspace account and I completely freaking FLIPPED OUT. Not at her (of course), but as soon as she left the room I did a complete edit of my profile/journal on that site, making sure to delete anything that referred to my sexuality in any shape or form. Hence... my return to Livejournal after almost a year of yet again forgetting I even had the stupid thing. I need to journal, because I'm like that, but I need a SAFE place to journal where my nosy little sister can't find it. OpenDiary is pain in the ass (not to mention they got hackers a while back and lost several months worth of people's journaling... so let's just say I don't trust that site too much anymore), so Live Journal it is. Of course, I have the attention span of a two year old, so... we'll see how long that lasts. Overall... I'm so incredibly ashamed of myself for selling out like that. And it leaves me wondering- what am I so afraid of? It's not like Kelly would be surprised if I came out to her. I mean, the kid has asked me on several occasions if I was gay. Her homophobe idiot boyfriend has strongly suspected for a long time, and he's the one that originally brought my kind of obvious gayness to Kelly's attention *coughITTAKESONETOKNOWONEcough*. Mom suspects I think. No, I know she does. And I really don't see my extended family too much, so even though it would kind of hurt if they rejected me, it would be okay. The only person I'm really sorta worried about is Rodney, my cousin Mary's husband. I'm not sure how he'd react. Especially considering that he has two little girls (nine and five), and some people have the very wrong idea that gay people molest children. (Okay, I'm sure some of them do, just like some straight people do it, but that's a very small minority and I would never ever touch a child. Period.) Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. My point is, I'm not really sure why I'm okay telling everybody BUT Kelly and my mom. While I'm figuring that out, I guess I'm just going to have to deal with being a paranoid nitwit.

I got my hair cut on Saturday and I completely hate it. It's entirely too short- but then again, my hair grows fast so in a couple of weeks it'll be fine. It's all good.

In other news, I found my bank card... underneath a bag of clothes in my room that I haven't moved in over a month. ?? No idea how that happened. Oh, and I finally got my W-2's in the mail... all I need now is the bank statement on my interest for the year and I'm all set to do my taxes. I should get a nice juicy check this year... ~hello~ x-box, new clothes, and a mattress that doesn't try to pierce me to death!

Alright, I'm just going to go away now. Until next time!


verloren1983: (Default)

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