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May 12th, 2011 02:30 am(I was going to cut this, but DW only wants to cut the first paragraph no matter what I do, so pffft. This is your cut: This entry is mostly rambling and some depressed shit. Consider yourself warned.)
☁ It's been GORGEOUS, so it was out and about to do stuff over my days off. I went and got my hair cut yesterday. It's super short, totally love it. Predictably, my family doesn't. Oh well. Then I went downtown today- I wanted to see exactly how long it takes to get from the bus stop to the lakehouse in the park where the 5k registration is supposed to be. Those things are kind of nice to know ahead of time. It was about as long as I'd thought- 20 minutes, give or take a little depending on traffic and whatnot. It was a nice day to hang out in the park. I brought my camera and took a bunch of tulipy pictures. :D
The snag, though, is that because the bus stops are kind of oddball times for me, because they're obviously catering to the students and 9-5 crowd, I ended up staying downtown ALL DAY by myself. Which... yeah, got pretty boring after a while. Oh, and I'd had pretty much no sleep. So that bit was fun. It really wasn't until the end of the day, when I was waiting for the bus, that I really started lagging though. And that's considering I walked all over the place all day, just kind of exploring. I've never spent a significant amount of time down there. It was kind of funny, though- the first person I saw upon getting off the bus was an older guy that was talking to the sidewalk. I couldn't quite pick up what he was saying through my headphones- just as well, really, he seemed angry- but I did catch "Bitch." I almost busted up laughing right then and there, but figured it was probably not a good idea to upset the crazy man. XDDD Oh, Albany. Never change. <3
In other news, I'm sunburned because I forgot sunblock like an idiot, I have blisters on the bottoms of my feet, and I'm totally exhausted- but mostly it was worth it. I think if I do something like that again, I'll chill out in the shade in the park for a lot longer. Though hey, I did get brave and hung out in one of the gay bars for the last hour or so. At that hour there was only a few people there, but still. Before today I could count on one hand the number of bars I'd been to, and two of them were straight ones. And even so much as last year, I never would've had the balls to go in there by myself, almost empty or not. So. Progress.
☁ I did see a few "for rent" signs that could be possibilities financially. It's tempting. It really, really is. Within walking distance to the city park? Yes, please! The problem there would be work, though. With the awkwardness of the bus times, that would just be. Ugh. And Sundays are a total no go unless I worked in the morning. So basically, I would piss off my boss because I'd have to change my entire schedule around. I know I would lose hours in the process- I work the shift I do because I like second shift, yes, but also because that's when they need me. Go where the hours are, yo. And losing hours would be Not Good with the whole paying rent thing and all. So I don't know. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
☁ I don't know, I'm just feeling more and more recently like I'm stuck in this box that I can't escape from no matter how hard I flail and try to bust it open. I can't be myself. I'm living with the most manipulative person I've ever known, and every day there's something I've got to defend myself against. I'm constantly on guard and that's just freaking exhausting. Every time I think I've figured out how to open the box, I'm reminded of why I can't. I'm so sick and frustrated of all this I don't even have words... but I've been trying for so long and I'm so tired. I don't know that it's worth it anymore. Maybe I should just deal with the fact that I will be stuck here FOREVER and be done with it. Let's face it, even if I did find an apartment, mommie dearest would probably figure out a way to guilt trip me or manipulate me into staying anyway.
☁ Of course, now I feel like I did absolutely nothing on my days off because I wasn't here. I'm half debating whether I want to go to bed pretty soon, even though it's still pretty early, or to try and push through until 4 or so and maybe get a few things done. I'm so tired though. I'm not sure I could concentrate properly anyway. -_-
☁ Started playing with Google Chrome- okay, I'm still not thrilled that the tabs are right at the top of the screen (it's just... a thing, I guess), but other than that, I really like it. There's an equivalent of LJLogin, for example. Also they have a zillion really cool apps and extensions. Like a Mario crossover game- seriously, how cool is it to go through Super Mario Brothers as freaking Link, Zelda music and all?
☁ LJ changed the navigation bar- love it~
Alright. Going to try to go to sleep, I think. Hopefully I can, being so overtired. It's quite a bit later now than when I started this, so I don't feel totally ridiculous going to bed now. Night all~
☁ It's been GORGEOUS, so it was out and about to do stuff over my days off. I went and got my hair cut yesterday. It's super short, totally love it. Predictably, my family doesn't. Oh well. Then I went downtown today- I wanted to see exactly how long it takes to get from the bus stop to the lakehouse in the park where the 5k registration is supposed to be. Those things are kind of nice to know ahead of time. It was about as long as I'd thought- 20 minutes, give or take a little depending on traffic and whatnot. It was a nice day to hang out in the park. I brought my camera and took a bunch of tulipy pictures. :D
The snag, though, is that because the bus stops are kind of oddball times for me, because they're obviously catering to the students and 9-5 crowd, I ended up staying downtown ALL DAY by myself. Which... yeah, got pretty boring after a while. Oh, and I'd had pretty much no sleep. So that bit was fun. It really wasn't until the end of the day, when I was waiting for the bus, that I really started lagging though. And that's considering I walked all over the place all day, just kind of exploring. I've never spent a significant amount of time down there. It was kind of funny, though- the first person I saw upon getting off the bus was an older guy that was talking to the sidewalk. I couldn't quite pick up what he was saying through my headphones- just as well, really, he seemed angry- but I did catch "Bitch." I almost busted up laughing right then and there, but figured it was probably not a good idea to upset the crazy man. XDDD Oh, Albany. Never change. <3
In other news, I'm sunburned because I forgot sunblock like an idiot, I have blisters on the bottoms of my feet, and I'm totally exhausted- but mostly it was worth it. I think if I do something like that again, I'll chill out in the shade in the park for a lot longer. Though hey, I did get brave and hung out in one of the gay bars for the last hour or so. At that hour there was only a few people there, but still. Before today I could count on one hand the number of bars I'd been to, and two of them were straight ones. And even so much as last year, I never would've had the balls to go in there by myself, almost empty or not. So. Progress.
☁ I did see a few "for rent" signs that could be possibilities financially. It's tempting. It really, really is. Within walking distance to the city park? Yes, please! The problem there would be work, though. With the awkwardness of the bus times, that would just be. Ugh. And Sundays are a total no go unless I worked in the morning. So basically, I would piss off my boss because I'd have to change my entire schedule around. I know I would lose hours in the process- I work the shift I do because I like second shift, yes, but also because that's when they need me. Go where the hours are, yo. And losing hours would be Not Good with the whole paying rent thing and all. So I don't know. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
☁ I don't know, I'm just feeling more and more recently like I'm stuck in this box that I can't escape from no matter how hard I flail and try to bust it open. I can't be myself. I'm living with the most manipulative person I've ever known, and every day there's something I've got to defend myself against. I'm constantly on guard and that's just freaking exhausting. Every time I think I've figured out how to open the box, I'm reminded of why I can't. I'm so sick and frustrated of all this I don't even have words... but I've been trying for so long and I'm so tired. I don't know that it's worth it anymore. Maybe I should just deal with the fact that I will be stuck here FOREVER and be done with it. Let's face it, even if I did find an apartment, mommie dearest would probably figure out a way to guilt trip me or manipulate me into staying anyway.
☁ Of course, now I feel like I did absolutely nothing on my days off because I wasn't here. I'm half debating whether I want to go to bed pretty soon, even though it's still pretty early, or to try and push through until 4 or so and maybe get a few things done. I'm so tired though. I'm not sure I could concentrate properly anyway. -_-
☁ Started playing with Google Chrome- okay, I'm still not thrilled that the tabs are right at the top of the screen (it's just... a thing, I guess), but other than that, I really like it. There's an equivalent of LJLogin, for example. Also they have a zillion really cool apps and extensions. Like a Mario crossover game- seriously, how cool is it to go through Super Mario Brothers as freaking Link, Zelda music and all?
☁ LJ changed the navigation bar- love it~
Alright. Going to try to go to sleep, I think. Hopefully I can, being so overtired. It's quite a bit later now than when I started this, so I don't feel totally ridiculous going to bed now. Night all~
