Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons...

It's been approximately 32894032890 years since I posted anything here. Oops. So.... hi? I'm not even sure who's still around, tbh. That's fine. It's like going back to the beginning, where posting on a journal site was just screaming into a void. :D I'd make excuses for my extended absence, but I don't see much point. And a lot of it comes down to the one thing, really, which I'll stick under a cut in a bit for people who maybe don't want to read possibly triggery depression crap. XD So. Obviously I'm not going to update you guys fully on everything ever because we will be sitting here for a million years, but I can attempt cliffsnotes?

⚡ Graduated college with my BA in 2016. Have not continued on with my education because, tbh, there's literally no reason to get a masters in English unless you want to teach, and I most definitely do not want to teach. Also I don't want to have to write a thesis. XD Sooooo yeah, why waste the money?

⚡ But yanno, getting a job in your field is hard and so I've ended up at the same company I was at before I went to school. Go figure. But I'm a supervisor now, and I'm making about $5 more than I was before, and it's not the same store, so yay? Also, school wasn't completely pointless, because in my last semester I ended up making a connection that let me move into the apartment I moved in after graduation and am still in, so there's that. It's a roommate situation which I *hate*, but it's a roof. Mostly still here because I hate moving, and also renew-the-lease time always seems to come up at really terrible times for me where moving is just a giant nope.

⚡ There was drama around my graduation, and I now haven't talked to Erin (older sister) since 2016 except for, at first, quick birthday messages on facebook or whatever. So yeah. I can elaborate if someone's around and asks, but I might just save that for another day, because this entry is already going to be a million years long, I can tell. I'm not really talking to my mother at this point either, for separate reasons, and anyone who remembers my mother and my relationship with her is probably not surprised at all by this development.

⚡ But yeah, that's pretty much it for cliffsnotes. Work makes a lot of things difficult because my schedule is all over the place and there are a couple of extremely unreliable people who should've been fired ages ago, so it's hard to do things like make plans or have a social life or whatever. I've also gained a bunch of weight- partially because laziness, but also partially because when you're working a 12 hour shift, chances are you're just going to get some takeout. Or when you close and then open, you're not going to want to go home and cook, so you either get takeout or get something fast, which is generally not the healthy option. You know? But yeah, keep needing to work on that, keep not doing it, we'll see what happens.

( Now down to the depression stuff I promised in the beginning, not that I haven't mentioned it in passing in the rest of this entry anyway. )


Time will obviously tell if I keep going with this or if I abandon it again, but meh, we'll see I guess. Now I have to start thinking about getting ready for work for the tenth day in a row. Nothing like working 80 hours between days off. At least I get the next two days off finally, so I just have to make it through tonight. I swear to god, if anybody from work calls me on my days off, it had better be because the store is on fire. -_-

It's been a while again since I've written, so I figured I'd check in and let those of you who don't follow me in other places know that yes, I'm still alive. See? Alive. :D So what's been happening? A lot of work, a lot of procrastination. I spent the morning sorting out the (admittedly, all over the place) fantasy section of my e-book folder instead of trying to write a story that's due Tuesday. You know, the normal. Oops. XD I also don't have internet at home right now, which complicates matters. This got really ridiculously long, mostly because of the school sections, so I'm just going to section the school stuff off for you guys by cuts. Which I don't normally bother with, but, well... you'll see. XD

☁ In case you're in Hikago fandom and didn't see my spamming, there's a new blind_go mini round out- GO SIGN UP. NOW.

☁ The new Phoenix Wright came out a couple of weeks ago. I feel so behind- I only just barely started case 4. I have Thoughts on it, which are partially good and partially ragey, but I'll hold off on getting too into those until I actually finish the game. So far... it's not that different from the others, concept wise. I can basically boil everything down to a short list of "things I've learned from the Ace Attorney games"
1. Prosecutors get away with EVERYTHING.
2. Don't become friends with a lawyer ever- you'll eventually end up dead or falsely accused of a crime, probably murder.
3. LGBTQ people are ridiculous/offensive/disgusting/only good for comedic relief/figments of your imagination/terrible people/any combination of the above, depending on the particular plot device service they're providing at the time.

☁ Midterms grades were fine- 4.0 for the semester so far. As usual, I just need to keep it there. ajdklsajd.

( Wibbling About the Future- Transfer Schools )

( Wibbling About the Future- Classes )

( Wibbling About the Future- Minors )

( Wibbling About the Future- Jobs )

( And last but not least... the Salem trip )

9. What are your worst habits?
Not putting things away, ungh. Causes so many other problems down the road. Linked to this is procrastination, which I am a master of, unfortunately. Sigh. Also linked to this is my inability to finish stuff. I get all bored/ADD and I wander off before finishing anything. I'm actually REALLY surprised at myself that I'm still doing this meme. Normally I would've quit WAY before now. XD

---

☁ Still no word on places. Ungh. I hate people.
☁ Since I've been letting my bed dry and I've been sitting in a corner by my bookcase all day, I figured it was as good a time as any to finally scan all the stuff on that. Recorded book collection is at 298 at the moment, not including what I've purchased for school in the last year and still have, a shelf in the closet I've been using for books, and whatever else I find buried in my room somewhere and haven't found yet. Yeah. It's getting a little scary.
☁ I've also gotten some cleaning done today, which is good, especially considering how much I've been slacking lately. It doesn't feel like I've done much, but the section I've been working on looks significantly better, so there's that? I think I'm thankfully at a point now where working on the room actually produces a VISIBLE result, which makes me feel good. :)

Aaaaand that's all I've got for right now. Until tomorrow~

☁ Turned in BG. Managed to pull off two fics, somehow, I don't even know how that happened. It was originally all part of the same idea, sort of, but... eh, it's complicated. Anyway. I was Vanessa and wrote two Hikaru and Waya fics- one pointless gen and the other smut. *shrug* I was terribly obvious and didn't bother to hide it. I was hoping that the pairing would throw people off at least a little, but uh, I guess not. XD Guessing didn't turn out too bad, though! 5 out of a possible 8, which is my best showing BY FAR- I have been known to get zero right, after all. Of course, if I'd actually looked a little more closely at some of the hints posted later on, I would've realized that a couple of my guesses were obviously wrong, but whatever. XD

☁ Somehow got talked into trying Naruto again, but of course I was only 7 eps into it to begin with and that was ages ago, so I just started it over. It's. I dunno. Kind of obnoxious. I can see why I didn't really feel a push to continue it before.

☁ The book cataloging is getting ridiculous. I've been taking a break, so there's still everything on my bookshelf at this point plus what's in the closet and whatever else I find that I'm not seeing right now- but the manga should be done, anyway, minus the first 13 of Hikago. I'm up to a total of 174 books and not even close to done (we won't even discuss how much of that is manga). I think I have a problem, you guys. XD Also recently I had decided to try and organize my ebook folder, because that's a huge clusterfuck, and all I can really say about that is... holy GOD, why did I do that to myself? I don't even know how it got like that.

☁ Money stuff for school is mostly taken care of, I'm waiting for the last grant form to go through, but it's nothing that's a huge deal right this split second. Like I can pay my bill and stuff without it, anyway. Re: school stuff, now all I have to do is get my certificate of residence (I'd like to do that tomorrow, tbh), pay my bill (by the 15th, but would like to do it next week to get it done and over with), get my books, and figure out exactly where my classes are and how tight I'm pushing my transport time on a couple. So that's coming along nicely.

☁ As far as RL circumstances... not a lot has changed, for good or for bad, at this point. I've been taking a bit of a hiatus on the cleaning because I've basically felt like shit the last week (yay for being female- not), plus being distracted with other things, see next cloud bullet, but I'm hoping to get back on track in the next couple of days.

☁ So remember how my laptop was overheating and I wasn't sure if it was the heat or something else? It was something else. -_- After some investigation, I discovered that the fan was no longer working. I'm not comfortable taking apart the laptop, since I can't get to the fan without pulling apart the ENTIRE thing (which is stupid but whatever), and it's not worth paying Best Buy $200 bucks to put a new fan in a four year old laptop, soooooo as much as I didn't want to spend the money and didn't want Windows 8... I didn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter. I bought a new one. XD I have named it Phoenix. :3 It was less than the previous one, under 400 before tax, so that wasn't bad. I've been super good about money over the summer, so I'm not going to beat myself up over spending the money or anything. Specs wise, I just wanted something that was at least as good as what I already had for relatively cheap, which was actually more difficult than you might think? Go figure. Sooooo I have another Toshiba- because fuck, I beat Haru all to hell and it still lasted four years, and above all else I did not want a Lenovo (very bad previous experience with IBM, and Kelly having to replace her Lenovo laptop TWICE since March does not help my opinion of them. I told her not to get a damn Lenovo. But nooooo, she didn't want to listen to me. Pfft.) Anyway. I still hate Windows 8, but I knew that already. Classic Shell makes it bearable, fyi if anybody on the flist ends up having to deal with this OS, though I still keep triggering stuff to pop up by accident. Grrr. The keyboard is pissing me off, at least until I get used to it. So there are minor frustrations with it, but that's true of any new device, especially with something like a laptop. Mostly I love it. It does what I need it to do (including connecting to the internet without a problem, which I was nervous about after the netbook), zips along speedily, and so far has handled everything I've thrown at it with grace. (It IS worth noting, though, that the "max temp" on Phoenix is significantly lower than it was on Haru- Haru's was 212, on Phoenix it's 194. Go figure.)

I think my favorite thing about it, though, is that it's a definite upgrade. I've said before that my laptop was hardly state of the art when I got it (and neither is this)- but you know that rating system Windows has? Old lappy was something like 3.3 or 3.5. This is 4.8. In both cases, the score is based off of the graphics card and everything else is AT LEAST a full point higher. When I turned on the Sims to double check that my saves would work, I was like, holy shit, they look like that? O_O It runs so much smoother now, without all the jerkiness and lag, and there's so much more detail. Like wow. Amazing.


Okay, I need to shut up and just post this already, so. Next time~!

☁ Tonari- I can't decide what exactly is wrong with Haru, but he's clearly disturbed. I keep coming back to Bipolar and Conduct Disorder (the precursor to Antisocial Personality Disorder, but you have to be 18 to be diagnosed with that, probably because they want to make sure it's not just a rebellious phase before they label you with a basically untreatable disorder XD) Anyway, so I finished it. It's... okay? There were things that bugged me about it. I still think they would've been better off leaving it at two episodes and calling it good. I think the biggest thing for me, though, was that the characters felt lacking. I was missing something there, and I was actually way more interested in Natsume and Sasahara (background) than I ever was in Shizuku and Haru. And even then. Final MAL score: 6.

☁ I've started Tsuritama now. I've seen one episode, and my only reaction currently is basically: O_o Also watched the first ep of Silver Spoon that came out. It's interesting, I guess? Main character is kind of an idiot. I mean. Who doesn't know that chickens poop eggs? Seriously? What's he even doing there, and why doesn't he want to go home? I'm curious about these things. So yeah, it has my attention for the time being.

☁ I didn't really do anything productive Friday-Saturday-Sunday. Friday I went out for the day with my sister. It was hot and humid and gross. I mean, it was okay at first, but after a while I thought I was going to have a heat stroke. Like seriously, I looked like a tomato at one point and I wasn't sunburnt. But yeah. Otherwise, it was cool. We went to the museum and looked at their newest exhibit on the Civil War (and more accurately, New York's role in it), which was pretty damn cool. Had Thai food for lunch (omnomnom). Kelly got incense. We walked around A LOT. So I spent Saturday and Sunday recovering, basically, because I way overdid it (and might've actually had heat exhaustion, that would explain a lot. XD) Monday I did, at least, get those three garbage bags out of my room finally, and I did a cleaning session which produced another. Yesterday, I didn't get anything done again, but that was totally Kelly's fault because she was all, LET'S GO TO DENNY'S, SMOTHERED FRIES SMOTHERED FRIES SMOTHERED FRIES. Soooooo we went to Denny's, and walked around Target and the mall for a while. XD Needless to say, I'm done with Outside for a while except for when absolutely necessary.

☁ I might've gotten a little testy on Tumblr the other day after seeing a post that infuriated me, and went into a two part rant that was basically about how an atheist is not obligated to feel grateful for being given religious platitudes after a death/tragedy, and that doesn't make them an emotionless monster. Um. Yeah. <_< I've apparently been feeling ranty lately. I never did post that thing about TM I showed you guys last time, though, so at least there's that? XD

☁ Aaaand finally, before I forget to mention it- blind_go is back for a mini round! :D Here is info and the support thread. Write something if you can! I need to go bunny hunting...

Admittedly, I spent most of the day alternately napping and watching anime. Whoops. XD I did still get stuff done though!

☁ Went grocery shopping, including a big bag of grapes that went into the freezer after prep work. ^_^ Also got more garbage bags for cleaning. :3
☁ Took out the garbage from yesterday.
☁ Did a session of cleaning. Not the two I wanted, but again, I'm  taking what I can get on that front right now. Filled another garbage bag- mostly clothes in this one. Slowly but surely making progress. Further proof that 20 minutes of cleaning is actually a pretty long time and you can get quite a bit cleared out in that time. (or, in my case, put a teeny dent in the disaster area. XD) Speaking of, did I ever tell you guys about Unfuck Your Habitat? Well, here's the tumblr, which was what gave me the 20 minute session idea and is serving as inspiration. ^_^
☁ Finished Taishou. It's cute, and admittedly I did change my mind a bit about Saburou. He's very adorkable. :P Tomoe ended up being my favorite, which was a little bit of a surprise to me because characters like that tend to annoy me (see Rainbow Dash in MLP:FiM), but I didn't find the ego and bragging as jarring here, for some reason. And I found myself rooting for her. :D Very cute overall. Final MAL score- 7.
☁ Also watched the second episodes of Free! and Brothers Conflict. (Both of which, for the record, are Liz's fault.) Free! still has my interest, and it's basically a shipper's paradise, so there's that. Haru's affinity for water as a running gag continues to be funny. XD Brother's Conflict... I have mixed feelings, but it's only going to be 13 episodes anyway, so whatever, I can deal.
☁ Ate more than 1k calories. Probably ate more than I should've, actually, but for one day, I'm not going to worry about it too much.
☁ 1 bottle of water. ^_^
☁ Obviously I slept. It wasn't without interruption, but whatever. I think the next thing will be trying to get some kind of set schedule going on.

Anyway. On to another day. I'm hoping to carve out a path to my desk chair today, which is asking a lot really, but hopefully it'll happen. The sooner I can at least get in my closet (which isn't that bad), the sooner I can start using that for temporary storage while I'm cleaning/moving things around. Things should start looking A LOT better once I'm not throwing things into whatever spot they'll fit in just for a lack of any other place to put it, you know? I'm also hoping to find my outside blanket (it has a plasticky bottom so that the blanket doesn't get all gross) and cooler bag for Friday. Although they've changed the forecast and it's going to be warmer and there's the possibility of rain. Meh. *fingers crossed*

Okay. So I know I owe you guys a legit update entry at some point, but I did want to make sure that I documented this one thing before I inevitably forgot to.  ^_^; So when I got that e-mail that said I'd won that writing award, it came with an invitation to a ceremony for the people being published where everyone would read their stories.  I said I would, because really, how often am I really going to be able to do that? In the moment, I thought it was pretty cool. I didn't consider my social phobia until later. Whoops?

( This got longer than I planned... )

...you know, I keep trying to post more, and I'll type something up, but then I don't post it and I wait so long that I have to rewrite half of it because it's no longer valid. Whoops. XD

( Blah blah blah )

So basically, things are generally going pretty well at the moment. I'll probably be singing another tune in a month when I'm trying to write four different research papers, but eh. XD

- Final call: Holiday card post here (DW) and here (LJ). I am sending these out this afternoon at some point, so they will go out TOMORROW. (Hopefully they'll get where they need to be in time- apologies if they don't. Meant to do it yesterday and didn't manage to leave the house.)

( Long, you guys know the drill. )

You want to know the sad thing? I actually had most of a journal entry typed out on the netbook this afternoon, but I had to go to class and didn't have time to post it. And now I really can't be bothered to go and get it. XD Oh well.

Short Story test today. I think I probably did pretty okay on it, honestly, though I -hate- in class essay exams. But that's really the perfectionist in me talking, since that's the only time I would EVER hand in a rough draft like that. Usually even my rough drafts have been edited at least somewhat, you know? I edit as I go, generally, not as one huge step after I'm done writing. But that's a whole other thing.

I'm trying to remember what was in that damn notepad entry and I'm not coming up with anything. Dammit. Oh well. There's no word minimum here, I just have to post, so we have that covered already. So there. :P

One last thing: to the Americans on the flist- DO NOT FORGET TO VOTE TOMORROW. You guys know how important this is. I may have to drag my ass after I get home at 8pm, but I'm going regardless. So so so important. You guys know I don't generally get into politics, but we need to get as many people out as we can, you know? Do I agree with everything Obama's doing? No. Are we getting screwed either way? Yes. But the thing is.... Romney's screw is bigger. That's basically what it comes down to for me. So. Go vote tomorrow. *gets off soapbox*

Now off to bed. Looooooooong day tomorrow. -_-

I did NOT forget about posting again. <_<

....somehow I feel like this is going to be a pattern. XD

So today was actually not that bad. I had a test in Sociology, but it was no big deal at all- since most of us were sitting there before the start of class, he handed out tests early, and it only took a couple of minutes- note that on test days, when you're done with the test, you leave. The class starts at 3. I was literally done and on my way out the door at 2:58, no lie. So I was able to get home around 4:30 instead of the usual 5:30 for Fridays, which was pretty nice. :D

Also, I get the most awful bunnies on the bus. Just saying.

I feel like there was something else to talk about, but I'm toast at this point, so I will try and remember tomorrow. :P Night all!

☁ You know those moments where you can kind of imagine your head exploding? Yeah. I actually =felt= my brain explode Monday. Well, not literally, obviously, but I felt SOMETHING happen in my head. That's... not good, is it? O_o (Basically, the cause was a severe WTF moment with a coworker. I was seriously like, "Uh... what just happened? O_O")

☁ Faith in humanity- somewhat restored. THANK GOD. I'd say that maybe the defeat in Mississippi will make these idiots rethink this whole "Personhood" thing, but.... my faith in humanity isn't THAT restored. XD

☁ Kinda scary how I hear myself in this video. Not the whole thing, mind. But the part where she's talking about coping mechanisms, and the people that totally shut down? Yeeeeeah. I have actually SAID the phrase she uses. That being said, I don't think it's a coping mechanism for the fear of loneliness. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a coping mechanism. But it's more as a way of avoiding pain in the first place. She does mention that, but I think the connection to the fear of loneliness is misplaced. Fear is part of it, sure, but that's a fear of rejection, not loneliness. Though maybe that's just me.

☁ Okay, BN, really? =SIX= separate shipments for eleven items is "as few as possible?" Especially when three of those shipments have one or two books? WTF? I really don't get how these companies work sometimes.

☁ It's strange how sometimes you can have a strong reaction to some inanimate object you've never seen before. I saw this journal in the mall the other day and it just... pulled at me. I don't even KNOW. All of a sudden I was just trying really hard not to cry (how embarrassing would THAT have been, jeez), and GUH. Butterflies have an instant association in my head with my grandmother, as she used to call me Butterfly. I don't know whether it's that she's been on my mind subconsciously or what, that made me react the way I did, but... needless to say, I purchased the journal. (Luckily it wasn't that expensive- it's actually cheaper in Hallmark than it is on Amazon, go figure.) I've decided that I'm going to use it as a "school journal" when I go back. Appropriate, in a way. ^_^

☁ The problem with regional/cultural foods is that the little secrets that are traditionally used to cook such food can be left out of the cooking instructions. It's simply taken for granted that people KNOW certain things. I recently learned this with basmati rice. I've been having a lot of trouble when trying to cook it, which drove me to google to try to figure out what was happening. Aside from the obvious option of "ur doin it wrong," I was thinking maybe there was something wrong with my rice cooker. This, of course, led me to this: You're supposed to rinse/soak it first. Honestly? I'd never heard of such a thing before. I've made rice of both the brown and white variety with absolutely NO problems. So this was strange to me, but I tried it anyway, with a mixture of both white and brown basmati rice just to see, plus a little oil for good measure. And you know what? It freaking works. I think I could've used more water for the brown (should've thought about that, regular brown rice needs more water too), though it's still edible. Just a little tougher than I'd like. The white was PERFECT. Go figure.

(Also, Ai: ♥♥♥♥♥. I tried the chicken rice thing you gave me- holy CRAP that's good.)

☁ In other food news, this recipe for stuffed shells sounds AMAZING (and ridiculously low in calories- just under 83 calories per shell!) and I'll have to try it at some point with a few swaps. But I'm used to doing that sort of thing due to my tastes. ^_^

☁ LEGO Harry Potter- Okay, it's cute, and the video scenes are funny. I'll give them that. Unfortunately, that's about all I can give them. The first thing that's a bit of an annoyance is that if you don't know the story, you will have absolutely NO IDEA what's going on. None. Obviously I know the story, so it's not a deal breaker by any means, but it's still irritating. The deal breaker? It's BORING. From what I can tell, you basically go around and collect shit. Which is okay at first, but it gets old really fast. I found it really disappointing, to be honest.

☁ Trying a brownie recipe I've had for a while but haven't attempted yet- white chocolate raspberry swirl. I'm not sure about this one. :/ For one thing, it uses more cream cheese than the freaking cheesecake ones, which is just strange. Also I have a naughty habit of tweaking recipes as I go, adjusting them for my own taste, and I'm afraid I put in too much raspberry extract. Meh. We'll see what happens when I bring the pan to work.

☁ I've been trying to think of what I can do for the pointless little "extra" in the holiday cards this year- especially since I didn't do any last year, because I waited too long. (Hence me thinking about it early.) I -think- I might have something... but we'll see. Experimentation will be needed. And a trip to Michaels.

☁ The new Donkey Kong Country- it's fun (I'm definitely purchasing it at some point), but it IS a bit of a departure from the previous ones, gameplay wise. Not being able to throw Diddy: fail. The difficulty level was also higher than I expected it to be, straight from the getgo. Then again, in all fairness, there are many levels in the original ones that I can play backwards and forwards at this point, so... they're easy to me NOW. Doesn't mean they were the first time I played them. XD I was always BOSS at the minecart levels and shooting barrels though, and the minecart level in the first world is DEFINITELY harder than those used to be.

If you like the first three, I think you'll like this one- if you've never played the first three, you can either get them for the GBA or download them to your Wii. I would suggest trying one of those first (my favorite is 2, personally), rather than spending the cash on the new one. $10 is better than $40, yeah?

☁ Okamiden- CUTEST. GAME. EVER. ADJKLSJDLK. (Here, have a trailer.) I totally hit "keep" on this one- it's only about 20 cents cheaper on Amazon anyway, so I might as well keep the cartridge that has my save.

Next up on the Gamefly queue: Uh, Kirby's Epic Yarn, apparently.

☁ Absolutely disgusting. There is NO excuse for this- the man physically assaulted a student. He should be in jail, and he shouldn't be allowed to work with children ever again. Period. You don't touch kids.

☁ Also I finally got Suikoden V back. I actually didn't end up having to ask- when I went up to Stef's last week, she was like, "Oh, here!" and handed it to me. She is apparently still working on Kingdom Hearts, which is fine. As long as her room didn't eat it, we're good. XD I think I'm going to have to restart Suikoden V, though, as I only remember bits and pieces of what the hell was going on. Buuuuut that's what I get for loaning the game out when I wasn't finished with it. :/

☁ I just found out about a really neat thing my library has- they're part of an online site that lets you download music, legally, for FREE. You're limited to three a week, and only what they've got (read: Sony), but hey. Free is free is free.

☁ There are, apparently, emulators that allow you to play GB, GBC, NES, and SNES games on a DS R4. O_o I don't know, somehow it just never occurred to me that you could do that? It's probably like the other R4 stuff- some of it works great and other stuff doesn't- but I tried a couple of games and they seem to be alright, though. Might be good for the stuff that Nintendo won't put in their online stores to purchase for current consoles. *cough*WhoFramedRogerRabbit*cough*

☁ I recently tried two new kinds of rice- well, not new really, but new to me. Jasmine rice, which is quite yummy though I wouldn't want to have it all the time; and Basmati rice, which I'd never even heard of before I saw it in the store a couple of days ago. The grains are really long so it almost looks shredded, and it tastes really freaking delicious. It doesn't even need any salt or sauce or anything. I think I need to find the brown version and buy a bag. :3

☁ Urgh LJ. >_< Issues. Though it seems better now than it did earlier today- it's loading, at least.

☁ There's a netflix-like site for video games. HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?! It's called Gamefly. I predict that this will be either the stupidest thing I've ever done or the most brilliant thing I've ever done. Probably the former. On the upside, it means I can try out a whole bunch of stuff without spending a fortune. ^_^; And when I feel like it's not worth it anymore, I can just cancel it, no problem. The subscription is kind of expensive ($16 a month), so probably I'm going to have the account active off and on as it's warranted.

[For anyone who might be curious- Epic Mickey seems interesting, but the camera and controls are frustrating as hell. You can't tell where the hell you're going (or supposed to be going) half the time. You'll be in the middle of trying to jump and the camera will whirl around with no warning, making you fall to your death. Not cool. I put it in the mailbox this afternoon, entirely glad I didn't buy it. Good in theory, bad in execution.]

☁ I somehow managed to squeak blind_go in at the last minute. (Literally. I sent the e-mail at 11:59pm, no lie.) I really should've defaulted. It's pointless and all over the freaking place and just. UGH. Haaaaate. I procrastinated until just before and you can tell (and not just by the typos). I'm honestly kind of afraid to look at the comments on it. There are three other fics in various stages of "incomplete" sitting on my desktop, too, but those just weren't going anywhere or had no hope of being done in time. One in particular wanted to be a long thing. Meh.

Haven't actually decided whether or not to put up a guessing post this time, as I'm probably horrifically obvious and I already owe SO MUCH CRAP from previous rounds and various other things it's ridiculous. Hmm. :/ Also I've read a few things, but certainly not the entire list. I just haven't felt like it. Maybe tomorrow. Or something. It's not like I don't read quickly, so it's not a huge deal.

☁ I ended up going to both Saturday festivals, the more local one in the morning. There was a vendor there who makes his own candles and this shit was SO GOOD, I swear to god. I wanted almost everything. I did limit myself to two votives and a big one. I also got a pack of 15 yummy incense sticks for $1 at another vendor. Probably would've bought more but the guy was kind of rude. I went to Irish Fest a bit later. Honestly? It was lame. ^_^;;; It seems SMALLER now, which sucks. I did get a cool dreamcatcher from a sweet Spanish lady (Irish Fest. Go figure.) and her adorable 5-ish year old daughter, and a pair of earrings. Also over the course of the day there were fried dough sticks and ribbon chips and hot dogs, none of which I should've had, but eh. I probably won't bother going next year. Too bad.

☁ Birthday was fun. Got entirely too drunk, but I was able to sleep and recover without having to haul my ass into work, so it's all good. I had dinner with Stef- apparently Olive Garden does carry out? It cut what would've been a 40 minute wait in half and we just ate at my place. Good to know. You still get salad (with their amaaaaaazing Italian dressing in a container) and bread sticks and everything. :D :D :D :D :D

I do need to start spending some money here, though... I still have $50 in gift cards for Barnes and Noble from CHRISTMAS, got another $25 for my birthday, and then Erin sent me a $50 e-gift card for Amazon (I didn't even know you could do that. O_o). Uh. Yeah. How did that even happen?

☁ Via Lish: A very well written article that explains why throwing out religious platitudes to an Atheist while they're grieving can be offensive to them. Before I get into any of this, I should possibly clarify for some of you, since I don't generally talk about religion- I'm an Atheist. Well. More accurately, I'm an odd Atheist/Agnostic mix, meaning that while I absolutely don't believe in God or Heaven or Hell or any of that, I'm also willing to admit that there's really no way of knowing for sure, one way or another. I'm cool with other religions as long as someone's not trying to convert me or it's not being shoved down my throat. It's not something I make a big deal of because it's not something that affects my life on a daily basis. Anyway. This was so not the point. Onward!

I had a conversation with Lish about this, which I'm not going to totally rehash, but to me it basically boils down to respecting other people's beliefs. A lot of people don't understand Atheism, and for many of these, it's just not on their radar at all. It's a thoughtlessness. They assume, well, it would be comforting to ME, so it must be to THEM. Nevermind that "I'm sorry for your loss" is just as easy to say, and offering whatever assistance you can will mean more. Personally, I'm in the "it doesn't bother me that much" camp, in general, unless they go on about it forever or I hear it a thousand times in ten minutes. I get the meaning behind it, and I appreciate it, even though it doesn't help. Though the whole "god's will" thing is an exception- that IS hurtful and offensive, and I seem to remember walking away from people who have said that to me. The bottom line here: be considerate and respectful of the person grieving. That's all. And isn't that true regardless of who they pray to (or don't pray to)? (*cough* I just totally wrote "prey" instead of "pray". Nice Freudian slip there, Ver. XD)

☁ This is too cute. I don't even like kids, and this made me want to hug him. The parents, too. He's a lucky kid to have such accepting and open-minded parents. That being said, assuming it's not something he ends up growing out of later- knowing you're gay at six? Just. Wow. O_o

☁ I read this book yesterday that is, for some reason I have yet to figure out, bringing a couple of original muses back to the foreground of my mind. I haven't thought about them, or their story, in ages. The book isn't even related to the story in any way, except one character's tendency to overthink things. WTF brain?

I don't know, maybe I should look at it again. I stopped due to a nasty case of writer's block- I got two characters in a particular situation and couldn't figure out how to get them out of it- but maybe if I approach it from a different angle? The other problem was that I found that the more I wrote, the more I -despised- my main character. The different angle I'm thinking of would solve that as well, because it would shift the main focus from the annoying little brat to someone I actually like. The only problem is that originally, the POV shifted between four different main-ish characters, with the one I call the main as the hub basically. Changing this causes a whole bunch of other issues as far as things being shown. I guess I'll have to try and figure it out at some point.

☁ I read a lot of m/m fiction. (I know that comes as a shock to you all.) It's a genre that's very hit or miss, from my experience. I've read some wonderful things. I've also read things that never should've seen the light of day. Quality of writing is all over the place- not just with things like characters, but with basics like GRAMMAR and PUNCTUATION. I swear to god, some of these editors need to be fired. Anyway. While, obviously, mistakes happen regardless of genre (nobody's perfect), I've NEVER seen this kind of lack of editing or grasp of the basics in ANY other genre.

This does have a point, I swear. I wrote a review on Goodreads of a book recently- the novel was fabulous, by the way, and I said as much- where I mentioned that my expectations had not been terribly high, due to previous experience. Another reader asked me why, and after I explained, she pretty much jumped all over me. Uh... OBVIOUSLY the quality of the book is going to depend on the quality of editing and the ability of the author, regardless of genre. I know that, I'm not a moron. It just seems that there are lesser quality editors at m/m publishers. Or, also possible, is that certain m/m publishers put quantity over quality. I AM ALLOWED TO HAVE MY OPINION, LEAVE ME ALONE, WOMAN! The best part? She hasn't even read the book in question. So now, according to her, she's going to have to read it because I held up up as an example of good writing. Great. Now if she doesn't like it (And there's a good chance she won't. Looking at the handful of books we have in common, we have VERY different tastes.), then she's going to be up my ass about how I don't know what I'm talking about or whatever. Wonderful. Why do people have to pick fights over stupid shit?

☁ LJ: You suck. Just saying. FB seems to be having issues as well. The latter I don't care so much about, but LJ being down for two days is a giant pain in the ass. Grrr.

☁ My hands have been a bit dry the last week or so, which isn't normal for me. I think it's the heat, which finally broke, but it's been SO terribly hot here- pushing 100 (that's 37.8 for you celcius using folks). I know that's not that much for this time of year in some places, but in upstate NY, that's INSANELY HOT. The heat's supposed to come back later this week though, yaaaaaay. -_- At any rate, I grabbed a little tube of cocoa butter, so hopefully that will help. And hopefully I can ignore the fact that the smell of the stuff reminds me of a bad summer job I had right after high school. Whoops.

☁ I seem to have lost my keys. I have my spare set, so it's not like I'm locked out of anything, but it's still not good. When I came home from work yesterday I realized I didn't have them, but I can't find them at work, either. I hope I didn't drop them somewhere, but that's looking more and more likely. UGH. >_<

☁ For anybody that didn't hear, Borders is closing ALL of their stores now. I can't say that it's a surprise at this point, but it DOES suck. I mean... that's half the reason to go to the mall by me- and it's the only bookstore there. So much for my entertainment while Kelly spends ages in Victoria Secret. Boo. On that note, though, I should probably try to get over there tomorrow (*cough* later today *cough*) to see what they have left as far as clearance stuff... may be able to score some deals. If not, well, at least I tried. Might check out jewelry because I'm CONSTANTLY losing earrings or having them fall apart on me. There's also a new store that had some really cool looking dreamcatchers. The only potential problem there is. Um. Reaching them. Because I'm a midget. <_< And I hate hate HATE asking for help for things like that. Meh. We'll see.

☁ Had a song ping me, so I'm writing a little bit again. It sucks, but it's something. Also I finished making up the rest of the 101 in 1001 list that starts on the 30th. Hopefully this time I'll do more of the list. ^_^;;;

( Weight related, cut for those not interested. XD )

☁ Suikoden:
( Short this time, I've still been procrastinating finishing it. )

☁ ( Drunken antics. Aren't I too old for this? )

Also, I know it might seem like I'm going out a lot, but that's really just because I don't post that much. XD It's every few weeks, generally. We've gone out twice since Pride weekend. So honestly, not that often. I just don't want people to be worried, you know? I swear I'm not turning into an alcoholic. ^_^;;;

☁ The fan next to my bed died. :( Which means I have to replace it, because I run hot all the time and I can't sleep properly when I'm overheated. Hence me being up at 7am. UGH.

☁ Apparently everyone at work thinks Mary and I are dating, which is funny bordering on hysterical. She's hot, yes, but I would NEVER date her and we both know it. I know her too well- she's a chronic cheater and that's something I'm completely unwilling to put up with in a relationship. Still. Funny. People continue to make up significant others for me out of my friends even in adulthood. XD

☁ There's the most god awful HP fic showing up on my flist (through a comm, not actually someone I'm friends with). The mechanics aren't TOO bad, but the mains are so blindingly OOC that it makes me want to stab things. And yet... I keep reading it as it gets posted. What the hell is wrong with me?

☁ Saw this in a store and thought it was really cool- apparently there are all different versions of it too. The one in the mall was cheaper though. Also, this pendant is totally awesome and I plan on getting one when I get my first biweekly paycheck next week. Especially since one of the stone options is Tiger's Eye. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

☁ More Suikoden stuff:
( Nevermind that there's like... two people that have any interest in this. Oh well. That's what cuts are for. XD )

☁ When I purchased FMA, I ended up with the first season in one part and the second season in two. There's just one problem with this- somebody dropped the ball on where exactly seasons ended when they changed from two sets a season to one, because there's three episodes that are missing right in the middle of the two. It's been a sore spot for me since I discovered it. I would just leave it and not give them anymore money, but  the gap drives me CRAZY. Now rightstuf has the season single box sets in the bargain bin- $25. That would give me those three episodes and I would FINALLY have a complete set of the anime. Plus they have Loveless for $15. *_* I grabbed Kashimashi for $20 too, while I was at it- I only needed another $10 for free shipping when shipping would cost me at least $11, so I figured I might as well. Shouldn't really be spending the money at the moment, but... oh well. I was overdue on some anime spending. Oh! And they're putting out Tales of the Abyss! *squee* They've only JUST started doing it, though, so I'll wait on that one. I hate having incomplete sets. Yanno, if you couldn't tell by the whole FMA rant. XD

☁ My 101 in 1001 list ends on the 29th of this month... I've done a little more than a quarter of the list. <_< That's sort of pathetic. So a lot of them are carrying over to the next list, though some are getting dropped altogether. I've got 79 things on the list so far. I have to figure out a bunch of not-obvious stuff to put on this thing...

☁ The wireless on my printer works again after not working for ages. Apparently all I had to do was reinstall it. Yaaaaaaaaaay. <3

☁ It's been some time since I worked on Suikoden II- I needed a break from getting my ass handed to me by Neclord's Abomination monster boss thing, and then life happened- but I picked it up again today. The good news? I BEAT IT. The bad news? Riou and Viktor were the only ones left (barely) alive by the time I pulled it off. :/ I made a new save- I'm half tempted to go back on the other one and try it again, see if I can actually keep everyone alive. But it's probably not worth it. XD

Also, with Suikoden II... anybody know offhand where the hell Jowy is, spoiler-free as possible? Like I said, it's been a while since I've played and I don't remember. I want to say that he was all "I have some stuff to take care of" or something and took off, but I could be wrong considering that I didn't even remember he'd left. :/

☁ I've been tweaking a slow cooker lasagna recipe I found for ages- I've made it three or four times and I've changed it every time. I just made it again today and I can finally say that I'm happy with the result. It's freaking GOOD and not a million calories. The catch? It's not actually lasagna anymore, just lasagna-esque pasta. The lasagna noodles always got mushy and gross in the slow cooker (and no, I wasn't cooking them first), so this time I put in a box of penne instead. ^_^;;; Whatever. YUMMY! <3

☁ Well, that was fun- the toilet got clogged or something and resulted in a ton of water all over the bathroom. Ugh. It's cleaned up now and mostly dry except for a few sections that will be soon. Plus the metal part separating the rug in the hallway from the bathroom wasn't put down properly, so there's water underneath the rug there which is all wet. Not quite sure what to do about that aside from shove a towel under as far as I can, which isn't that far, and leave it alone. But then it'll mold, won't it? ARGH. >_<

On that note, I really have to get collapse and some sleep- I have to wash those towels when I get up. Hooray. -_-

(Before we start, I'd like to say that I'm sick and on cold medicine, so if there's anything that doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance. I'm trying to make a serious post here, but I'm not sure how well it's going to work out.)

Edit: Apologies. DW doesn't seem to want to cut this properly, either. *kicks it* I know this is long, and I would cut it if I could. I'm not trying to be obnoxious. Please don't kill me. XD


So I was talking to a coworker the other day about the hair thing- mainly, how my mother and younger sister react to it. It's something I've been thinking about since, and figured it might make an interesting discussion topic.

First, the explanation for myself. I keep my hair cut very short. It's not meant as a statement, though I'm aware that it DOES make one. That's not the intention. I cut my hair this way because I like it this way, plain and simple. I don't see why I should let stupid things like rigid views of femininity or what other people think decide anything about myself. In the same spirit, I often wear men's cologne as well... the ones I like, of course. I'm not about to do something like that just to be contrary. I enjoy that aspect of it, yes. But it's not a contributing factor in those kinds of decisions. I like my hair short. The fact that it pretty much screams DYKE in ten different languages is just a fun bonus. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't a lesbian, or if I wasn't bordering on genderqueer. Maybe I would care more about how society looks at me if I was a straight, cis female. But I'm not, so I can't say for sure on either count.

That being said, reactions to my short hair have been overwhelmingly positive ever since I first cut it. I've had many women tell me that they wish they had the guts to do it. Which baffles me, really. How is it particularly brave when it's just hair? I'm not doing anything permanent to myself. If I don't like it, it'll grow back. Seriously, IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. But I've never had any emotional attachment to my hair, either, and a lot of women do. Plus it goes back to not wanting to defy social norms, I guess. Regardless, I have it on good authority that it's a look that suits me. I get that it looks "cute" a lot, which honestly makes me cringe so hard on the inside. Perfect example: today I had an older woman tell me, "I wish I could cut my hair that short, but I would look like an old man. ...It looks cute on you, though!" *twitchtwitch* I try my hardest to ignore those comments and just take in that I can pull it off.

Yet every time I get it cut- especially this last time when it got REALLY short- my mother and younger sister declare that they hate it, that it doesn't look good on me, what have you. My mother even went so far as to say to me, "Why did you let them do that to your hair?" as if a weed whacker had been taken to it. Um, I told her to? Kelly, too, regularly asks me when I'm going back to long hair. I won't say never, because I honestly don't know, but it's not going to be at any point in the forseeable future, that's for sure.

So I got to thinking about WHY they're so threatened by this look. Seriously, I think that's what it is. What other explanation could there be for them clinging so tightly to the idea that short hair is terrible? I think there's some disconnect there between who they think I am and who I actually am. I have never been a girly-girl type. Ever. Yes, I had long hair for a long time- too long, really. But I was overly hung up on what everyone else would think if I cut it the way I wanted it. Plus it was ordinary. It let me hide and not bring attention to myself. It wasn't a reflection of my personality or who I was. It's closer to that now, I think. Regardless of what people might say, I think most of us think of women with short hair as less feminine, even if we don't necessarily see it as that. I have to wonder if it's maybe hardwired in our brains or something, because it's just kind of automatic. I know personally, I first wonder if they're gay (but that also may be just because as a gay person, I'm auto-looking for someone like myself). I also tend to think of short haired girls as lower maintenance and more down to earth than girls with long hair. I think maybe part of that too is my own personal experience- I have yet to see a woman with short hair that also had pounds of makeup on and dressed up and everything. So I tend to see them as... less like these high maintenance plasticky creatures and more like someone I could actually relate to. And me myself being sort of androgynous, I guess I see them that way too. If that makes any sense. Of course, I'm not saying that all girls with long hair are high maintenance or anything ridiculous like that. I'm just saying that it really does change the impression you give off, whether it's something you want or not.

The bottom line is, the hair clearly says "I'm gay. Have a problem with that? Too bad." And my family, clearly, has a problem with that. I think they can't deal. And since they can't pick at my sexuality because I'm not officially out to most of my family (gee, I wonder WHY), they pick at my hair instead. Which is pointless, because I just roll my eyes and do what I want anyway. They know this about me. So then why keep harping on about it if there's no ulterior motive? Don't misunderstand me, I don't think it's intentional, at least for the most part. It's probably largely a subconscious thing. However, that doesn't make it okay. They want me to be someone I'm not, someone I've never been. Growing my hair out again isn't going to suddenly make me straight anymore than cutting it made me queer in the first place. They need to deal with that. At the very least, they want me to hide myself better, because they're not comfortable with me being open and out there with it. They would rather at least try to pretend. The way it stands now... yes, I'm obvious. I'm done hiding. I'm never going to be exactly what the world thinks a woman is "supposed" to be. But you know what? Most women don't live up to that standard, including my mother and my sister. I guess I'm far enough away from it that it makes some people uncomfortable. That's fine, it's their problem, not mine. I'm not going to change how I look just because some people are dicks. It's really just an annoyance at this point... but it does make for an interesting social experiment. When I was downtown last week, I was in jeans and my cloud/rainbow scarf t-shirt, plus the super-short hair. At times, yes, it felt like people were staring and I got a bit self conscious about that. As I passed this one group of men, they started calling things out at me, though I'm not sure what they were because I had music blasting in my ears. I probably didn't want to know anyway. Yeah, at times it felt a bit as if I were on display. As I said, though, it's interesting to see how people react to you in those kinds of situations. So would I do it again? Probably.

So what I'm curious to find out from you guys is, what do you think of all this? What do you think when you see a younger woman with short hair? (I'm not counting older women, because from my experience, it's a lot more common for 50+ ladies to chop their hair off. It's much, much rarer for women under 50.) How do you see femininity, masculinity, society's views on both? How do you feel you fit into the gender spectrum (if at all)? Do you think you get treated differently because of how you present? I realize my flist consists of mostly cis-gendered straight-ish women, so responses to the last couple aren't likely to be varied. I figure it's still worth a shot. Could be fun.

☁ Hikago peeps- don't forget about blind_go  sign ups! They end TODAY, so if you were planning on signing up and haven't yet, go ahead and do it! Also remember the support thread too, even if you're not writing this time around. Readers are totally awesome too. :D

☁ LJ: FAIL. I know it's not their fault, really, but that doesn't make the recent issues any less ANNOYING AS HELL. I guess it really makes you realize how much time you spend on a site when it's down, though. I've been kind of left going, "Er, now what?" a lot of the time since this whole thing started. XD Oh, and is it just me that's still having problems? LJ still won't load half the time. :/

☁ Totally getting sick, I can feel it in the back of my nose and throat. I know I'm due for it, but. DO NOT WANT!

☁ I got my replacement mastercard in the mail today. Yaaaay. Though I still have yet to get a bill from March. I don't know whether that's something I should be worrying about yet. <_<

☁ My workplace has decided to change weekly paychecks into biweekly paychecks over the summer. Which, quite honestly, BLOWS. They're giving us all this bullshit about how it doesn't affect how much money we get... yeah, actually, it does. Bigger paychecks mean that more money gets taken out in taxes. So effectively, it affects us like a paycut. This in addition to the fact that insurance is going up again this year. Thanks, guys. Really. Not to mention that the first week without a paycheck is going to hit hard financially- especially since the way they have it planned, we'll only get paid for a partial week. Do they not realize that when they pay their employees like shit, said employees can't afford to last two weeks on half a week's pay? Apparently not. Bastards.

☁ Because EVERYONE IRL seems to be doing this to me lately: Why is it that people don't get that if I have headphones on, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN CONVERSATION? Seriously, how hard is that to figure out? I am clearly listening to music/ watching something/ avoiding talking to you. Unless there's some kind of emergency, go away. Jeez.

☁ Apparently brand for Greek yogurt matters? I didn't know that until I ended up trying a new one when the store didn't have what I usually get. Oh. My. Freaking. GOD. Apparently, Stonyfield > Yoplait > Chobani, at least to me. I don't know if it's the organic thing or what, but that shit is AWESOME. Especially since Yoplait recently changed theirs, so it's not as good as it was. Biggest problem is that it's also expensive- $2 for a small container. Ugh. Figures.

Also food related- note to self, the cheese pizza lean pockets aren't bad. Hmm.

☁ It occurred to me today that I didn't have a playlist for smutting- just something generic to help with the writing process. Huh. Lish wanted me to post it (and there's a few suggestions from her on here too), so here you go. Just remember that some of these are random. And actually, there's a couple I don't even like but acquired somehow. XD Also, I haven't used this yet. So. I make no claims as to how well this helps. If anybody happens to have any other suggestions, let me know. :D

( This is totally longer than I thought it would be. XD )

☁ Random: I've been seeing a lot of selling posts recently, or is that just me? *headtilts* Must be a spring cleaning thing.

☁ .....how did I not know that Gravitation has a sequel? It's Gravitation Ex, apparently. Definitely something to read at some point. Of course, I should probably finish the original manga first.... I purchased the first volume AGES ago and that's as far as I've gotten. <_<

☁ So I purchased the previously mentioned fish oil and vitamin D the other day. Now... I've been sleeping through my alarm for weeks, though somehow always managed to get up by 2:30 anyway so I didn't sleep through work or anything. I have no idea how I pulled that one off. Anyway, my point is... I actually woke up at 1:30 yesterday- I even heard the alarm before that, but I kept hitting the snooze button. XD I don't know if it was a random thing or if SOMETHING I'm taking is having some kind of an effect or what, but... progress, right? :D And it's only been a few days! I don't even care if it's related, I'll take it. :D :D :D

On the other hand, I've been having a lot of headaches recently. I don't know if that's related to something or not. Especially since that tends to happen to me every once in a while. I'll keep an eye on things, I guess.

☁ Yet another "Do I have a rainbow on my forehead?" moment on Sunday. As I've said before, I'm more or less out at work- I don't announce it, but I don't hide it, either. Except that the front store and the Pharmacy don't actually interact, so I don't really deal with them at all. Anyway. Mary and I were talking, and Jackie, one of the Pharmacy people, came up and was inserting her own opinion into the conversation. Mary proceeded to out me (By the way, I'm not upset- as I said, I'm pretty out anyway. It's not a big deal, it was a casual thing and Mary honestly didn't think anything of it. It was a tense for a minute there... there's always that moment when someone first finds out and you freak internally because some people are assholes and you don't know how they're going to react, but it was fine.)... and Jackie DIDN'T EVEN BLINK. Like, wtf. On the upside, she didn't seem to care. But seriously. I'M NOT THAT GAY. *laughter in the background* Erm. <_< Nevermind that one time I took one of those "how gay are you" tests, I got a 95%, and my friend Paul proceeded to laugh his ass off about it. XDDD (I just took it again out of curiosity and got an 88%. Strange.)

☁ I saw a book whose reader summary interested me, but it was very vague and I needed more information. Apparently, there is controversy surrounding this book, which doesn't surprise me considering the subject matter (the Holocaust, for the curious). What does surprise me, and what bothers the living hell out of me, is the fact that one critic implied that there was no way a 9 year old child wouldn't know what was going on, even though he couldn't see anything due to the high fences, because of the smell of death. Really? A 9 year old boy is supposed to know what death smells like? That's not something that's innate. You LEARN that. Just... there really are no words for that. Clearly this man is expecting too much of a small child. A fictional small child at that. I understand that there may well be factual inaccuracies in the book, especially since I haven't read it myself, but you also have to consider that this is FICTION. Historical fiction, but fiction nonetheless, and I'm sure the author took a few liberties here and there. I don't know if it's something I want to read, I already have two books that I can't seem to finish because of difficult subject matter. Not that they're not good, because they are, just... it totally breaks my heart to read, and I know they're going to leave me in pieces in the end. This is probably going to be one of those.

☁ I'm not the biggest tomato fan. They're good on sandwiches and salads and things, but it's not something I like a lot of or would eat by itself- I'm not that fond of tomato sauce either, and I HATE ketchup with a passion. I was getting some salad stuff at the store today (mmmm, salad) and picked up one of those small cartons of grape tomatoes. They're "extra sweet" or something and bigger than I'm used to seeing grape tomatoes being. I tried one when I got home- holy crap, you guys, these things are fucking GOOD. I was eating them like chips before I realized that I had to stop before I ate the whole container in one go. O_o So there's about half left I think. Whoops. On the other hand, better tomato than say, actual chips, heh.

I really should be doing laundry, but pffft. Don't feel like it. I'm also really super tired, but rather than do the intelligent thing and go to bed, I'm just going to bore you all to tears instead. XD

- Been feeling bloaty and icky and exhausted lately, and I have no idea why. Spring is coming- that usually jazzes me up- so I don't know what's going on at the moment. Hrm.

- I realized quite unpleasantly that one of the evil plot bunnies I've been avoiding for MONTHS now (because it's wicked depressing and there's SO many things I could mess up)... could very well end up a  multi-chapter fic should I ever give in and write it. BAH. All the more reason to ignore that one. *glares at the bunny*

- Speaking of which, the bunnies have been weirdly active lately. This is good- to a point. It's not exactly helping me to post the backlog of fic, though. XD Also most of them are still things I don't want to write. Stupid bunnies. *grumbles* On the upside, the backlog of fic is decreasing, slowly but surely. Hopefully I should be finished with it sometime in the next year. >_<

- The ten year reunion for my original class is coming up. I've been invited. I didn't graduate with them, mind, but... ugh, ten years, seriously? Where did all that time go? I have no intention of GOING though. There's really... maybe a few people I would like to see, but that's about it, and I don't really think it's worth putting myself through the stress for. I'll admit that a big part of it is a high level of embarrassment on my part. I am certainly nowhere NEAR where I would like to be at this point in my life. Which yes, is kind of a sore point and I don't really feel like explaining to people how I've ended up in the gutter. It's just... bigger things were expected of me. I expected bigger things from me. So I think going to something like a reunion and having to show my general failure would just be torturing myself. If I at least had a date I could bring, that would be immensely better, but alas. Maybe by the time the 20th comes around, I'll not be completely mortified by the thought of having to explain my life to people I knew as a child.


( And for Jet- Suikoden II Thoughts So Far :P )