Fuck.

I'm scared. I grew up with being sick all the time, so it takes a hell of a lot to freak me out... I'm telling you now, I'm officially freaked the fuck out.

Let's see... when I can't breathe without coughing up a lung, and over the counter stuff isn't helping (as a matter of fact, cough drops seem to be making things worse as it's an effort to not choke on them)? Not a good thing. I'm going to set my alarm for 10 a.m., go to bed right after I finish this, and we'll see how I feel in the morning. If there's no improvement, I'm calling in to work and going to the doctor. Or First Stop. Or whatever the hell. Because... I've had it, I can't let this continue, and I sure as hell can't work like this. My throat is raw. My stomach literally aches from coughing so much, and it hurts like hell. I can't decide whether I'm cold or whether the actual room is cold, but I can't keep a thermometer in my mouth long enough to check if I have a fever- not to mention that there's three thermometers in this house and none of them fucking work. The only way I can even sort of breathe is if I take very, very shallow breaths, but even then. And the "no energy" I've felt the last two weeks has now gone to a full blown "fatigue/weakness" feeling. Though that may be from the coughing too. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. The irony is that I was feeling better yesterday... not 100%, but I didn't need a cough drop most of the day. I really hope I feel better when I wake up. I really don't want to have to call in to work. Did I mention that I have no clean clothes and will actually have to do laundry before I go anywhere, just so I can have clean underwear? I'd do it now, except... I need to be up early to assess how I feel, because if I call in, I can't do it any later than noon. Period.

On an upnote, I'm done fooling around with the drabble, but I'm not going to bother with posting it now. I'm going to bed.

Kill Me Now?

I've called out. I just... the coughing is better, at least I can breathe... BUT. All of a sudden everything hurts and I feel very weak and I'm still coughing, even if it's not as bad as it was earlier. It took FOREVER to get to sleep. And even then- I was up at 7. And then 9. And then the alarm clock went off at 10. *headdesk* The best part? When I called work, Neil was all like "Who's here tonight?" .....like I'm supposed to have everybody's schedules memorized. I DON'T KNOW. It doesn't matter to me, because there's no way in hell I can work like this. He wasn't an ass about the actual calling out, though. He was just like "okay". Huh. Guess it's a good thing I talked to him- Alpha would've given me the third degree, and Kerry probably would've given me a hard time, too. Even though I think I can count the all the times I clocked out in FOUR YEARS on one hand. But nevermind. The point is that I can stay home and *try* to sleep. And maybe convince mom to take me to First Stop at some point. I swear to god, I'm not doing another night like last night. That was HELL. Oh, right, and laundry.

I think I will try to sleep on the couch for a bit, though, assuming Kelly's crap isn't still all over it. My mattress-from-hell is NOT helping the whole "everthing hurts" bit. Later.

Comments are love <3

I got an awesome review on MediaMiner for "All That Matters" from a writer that I really respect. Can I just tell you how awesome that is? I feel like... wow. Just wow. I'm totally floored that I got such a glowing review from somebody that writes as incredibly as she does.

I've posted that Hikago drabbly thing to the writing journal, in case anybody's interested. It can be found here. By the way- it ended up being 104 words, because of course I had to screw around with it. Ugh.

Just for the record- it's totally weird to be home on a Thursday night. Hmm. And I would've gone to the doctor's today, except mom pitched an absolute FIT, so she's taking me tomorrow morning when Kelly has her physical therapy appointment anyway. Oh joy. They're probably just going to tell me that there's nothing they can do about it anyways... but whatever. Nevermind that I have to get up at 7 a.m. for this... *facepalm* Aww hell, it's not like I'm going to get much sleep anyway. As long as they don't tell me that I can't go to work, everything will be okay. Which reminds me- Alpha apparently called to tell me that tomorrow's my midnight... What. The. Fuck. My schedule says 3-10. So... I don't know. I should call Scott in the morning and find out what the hell is going on- whether I'm supposed to be there at 3 or 5 or what.

Can't decide whether I want to go take a nap or play Suikoden. Hmph.

*EDIT* -- Whee, I'm on a roll today. I just gave up on finished the angsty Kingdom Hearts fic, which is here and will be posted to the comms momentarily.