(for the December posting meme- ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
februaryfour Also, I'm sorry about the title, I had to. Only I'm not that sorry. XD)
How is it being back in school after a break?
Terrifying? Exhausting? Infuriating? I could come up with more words, but I think you get the point. XD At least once a day I have the thought that I'm too old for this. Spending all day around 18 year olds is tough, man. It makes me feel ancient on a daily basis. Also, THE STUPIDITY. >_< I often have the thought that I could've saved myself the thousands of dollars in debt and just stayed in retail if I was going to still be dealing with this crap five days a week, and then I'd at least be getting paid for it.
However, on the less pessimistic side, I'm working towards a goal now, as opposed to just working aimlessly forever. I'll have an Associates degree in May, and if all goes as planned, a BA two and a half years from now. That's definitely a good thing- if nothing else, it's a piece of paper that says, "hi, I can read and write sufficiently well to finish college, PLEASE HIRE ME FOR MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE." XD
Basically, I have a love/hate relationship with school. I love learning new things, and being made to think about things in new ways or from a different perspective is great. I love being challenged. At the same time, it stresses me out immensely, I hate the work, and often feel like I'm shoveling shit in a sitting position for a grade. Then again, that's not much different from when I was working. At least a grade is a reflection of my work and not just the minimum some asshole feels like he can get away with giving me. So there's that.
While I think that I shouldn't have waited so long to go to school- what people say is right, the longer the break is, the harder it is to go back- I think it was good that I didn't go to college right after high school, at least as far as certain things go. Retail helped with talking to people. I'm still not great at it and I still won't go up and start talking to people I don't know (hell, I won't call my sister unless I have something specific to discuss), but I can usually have a semi-normal conversation with someone should they talk to me. I'm still shy and introverted, but not cripplingly so like I was coming out of high school. (Seriously, even just going up to a cashier in the grocery store to purchase something freaked me out.) So basically, I'm more open now about meeting people and making friends and stuff and that's good. Besides that, in high school and even for a couple of years after that, I was so deep in the closet that I didn't even know what the hell was going on. I certainly would've been too afraid to join a public LGBTQ group, much less to consider actually minoring in LGBTQ studies. At this point in my life, I've had quite a while to come to terms with things and deal with that aspect of myself. It's okay now. I didn't have that then, not even close. And I don't think being in college would've helped things happen any faster, either- I probably would've just retreated inward into my turtle shell for four years. Obviously there's no way to know for sure, but knowing me, I feel like that's a pretty accurate guess. So... sometimes things work out.
(Oh yeah, if you have a question/topic/whatever for me, the original post is here!)
februaryfour Also, I'm sorry about the title, I had to. Only I'm not that sorry. XD)How is it being back in school after a break?
Terrifying? Exhausting? Infuriating? I could come up with more words, but I think you get the point. XD At least once a day I have the thought that I'm too old for this. Spending all day around 18 year olds is tough, man. It makes me feel ancient on a daily basis. Also, THE STUPIDITY. >_< I often have the thought that I could've saved myself the thousands of dollars in debt and just stayed in retail if I was going to still be dealing with this crap five days a week, and then I'd at least be getting paid for it.
However, on the less pessimistic side, I'm working towards a goal now, as opposed to just working aimlessly forever. I'll have an Associates degree in May, and if all goes as planned, a BA two and a half years from now. That's definitely a good thing- if nothing else, it's a piece of paper that says, "hi, I can read and write sufficiently well to finish college, PLEASE HIRE ME FOR MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE." XD
Basically, I have a love/hate relationship with school. I love learning new things, and being made to think about things in new ways or from a different perspective is great. I love being challenged. At the same time, it stresses me out immensely, I hate the work, and often feel like I'm shoveling shit in a sitting position for a grade. Then again, that's not much different from when I was working. At least a grade is a reflection of my work and not just the minimum some asshole feels like he can get away with giving me. So there's that.
While I think that I shouldn't have waited so long to go to school- what people say is right, the longer the break is, the harder it is to go back- I think it was good that I didn't go to college right after high school, at least as far as certain things go. Retail helped with talking to people. I'm still not great at it and I still won't go up and start talking to people I don't know (hell, I won't call my sister unless I have something specific to discuss), but I can usually have a semi-normal conversation with someone should they talk to me. I'm still shy and introverted, but not cripplingly so like I was coming out of high school. (Seriously, even just going up to a cashier in the grocery store to purchase something freaked me out.) So basically, I'm more open now about meeting people and making friends and stuff and that's good. Besides that, in high school and even for a couple of years after that, I was so deep in the closet that I didn't even know what the hell was going on. I certainly would've been too afraid to join a public LGBTQ group, much less to consider actually minoring in LGBTQ studies. At this point in my life, I've had quite a while to come to terms with things and deal with that aspect of myself. It's okay now. I didn't have that then, not even close. And I don't think being in college would've helped things happen any faster, either- I probably would've just retreated inward into my turtle shell for four years. Obviously there's no way to know for sure, but knowing me, I feel like that's a pretty accurate guess. So... sometimes things work out.
(Oh yeah, if you have a question/topic/whatever for me, the original post is here!)
no subject
Date: January 3rd, 2014 10:15 pm (UTC)From:I agree with you, though. Spending time around a lot of stupid 18-year-olds is exhausting. >_< The worst part is thinking, "Dear god, I was worse than this, how did I survive, why did people not kill me in my sleep?"
I'm so done with school. I'm dreading going back--Professor From Hell is harder to take when you KNOW how bad the hell is going to be before the class starts.
no subject
Date: January 4th, 2014 09:06 pm (UTC)From: