(no subject)
August 7th, 2008 03:30 am1. Gah, I did NOT just volunteer to help mod ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hng_prompts a little while ago. *headdesks* On one hand... dude, I don't know what's going on with the money situation at the moment... as in, I don't know if we'll have to drop the internet for a month or two. Plus I'm incredibly absentminded. I'll forget about this in a week, probably. XD On the other hand... it sounds like fun. ^_^
2. So I watched The Last Lecture video. Finally, really, because both my mom and Kelly have been bugging me about it for the longest time. I hadn't because my knee jerk reaction to the bugging was to dig my heels in and NOT do it, but Ai linked it, so I was like, what the hell. And wow. The thing that really strikes me about the lecture- and probably the only thing I'm going to remember clearly by tomorrow- is one thing that he kept repeating variations of. "The walls are there to keep the OTHER people out- the ones who don't want it badly enough." Which, of course, gets me thinking about the walls in my own life that I haven't figured out a way around... probably the biggest one being school. I think the expression "between a rock and a hard place" qualifies for the whole school thing for me. Money, of course is a primary issue, with other minor ones in play as well. But in the end it's just an excuse, isn't it, because I haven't really TRIED since I was a senior in high school and had the rug pulled out from under me. So... I guess the real question is... as much as I say I want to go to school, do I really want it badly enough to scale the brick wall? I think the biggest problem is that while I want it, I'm terrified of failing at it. Because if I fail, then what? (Not to mention, what the hell does one do with a BA in English? XDDD) Seriously, though, aside from money... fear is the biggest factor in why I haven't managed to get to school yet. I have... always had an enormous fear of failure for as far back as I can remember. Hell, it's a driving force in my life. Fear. And it shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't let it be that way. But i don't know how to stop doing it, either, so I just keep spiraling..........
One day, I will get over myself and go to school, because I owe it to myself. I deserve better than what I'm doing now. I just... need to get my head out of my ass, basically. XD
3. In other, less self reflective news, I got some cleaning done today. Woot. Didn't quite make it to the post office today, but I have every intention of going before work. ^_^;;; Also mom came home, and I was about ready to strangle her within ten minutes. You know, par for the course, really. I'm SO glad I have to work tomorrow. XDDD
4. It's... ah... really too late to do much of anything now (whoops), but for my own reference, my list of things to do tomorrow:
-GO TO THE POST OFFICE!!!! D:
-Finish spamming updating the writing journal
-Start putting fic on the website (Er, yes, I completely forgot about the site. Predictable, I know. XD)
-Laundry
-Cleaning~
-Write (anything)
-![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fifthmus
-Whatever else I feel like ^_^
hng_prompts a little while ago. *headdesks* On one hand... dude, I don't know what's going on with the money situation at the moment... as in, I don't know if we'll have to drop the internet for a month or two. Plus I'm incredibly absentminded. I'll forget about this in a week, probably. XD On the other hand... it sounds like fun. ^_^2. So I watched The Last Lecture video. Finally, really, because both my mom and Kelly have been bugging me about it for the longest time. I hadn't because my knee jerk reaction to the bugging was to dig my heels in and NOT do it, but Ai linked it, so I was like, what the hell. And wow. The thing that really strikes me about the lecture- and probably the only thing I'm going to remember clearly by tomorrow- is one thing that he kept repeating variations of. "The walls are there to keep the OTHER people out- the ones who don't want it badly enough." Which, of course, gets me thinking about the walls in my own life that I haven't figured out a way around... probably the biggest one being school. I think the expression "between a rock and a hard place" qualifies for the whole school thing for me. Money, of course is a primary issue, with other minor ones in play as well. But in the end it's just an excuse, isn't it, because I haven't really TRIED since I was a senior in high school and had the rug pulled out from under me. So... I guess the real question is... as much as I say I want to go to school, do I really want it badly enough to scale the brick wall? I think the biggest problem is that while I want it, I'm terrified of failing at it. Because if I fail, then what? (Not to mention, what the hell does one do with a BA in English? XDDD) Seriously, though, aside from money... fear is the biggest factor in why I haven't managed to get to school yet. I have... always had an enormous fear of failure for as far back as I can remember. Hell, it's a driving force in my life. Fear. And it shouldn't be that way. I shouldn't let it be that way. But i don't know how to stop doing it, either, so I just keep spiraling..........
One day, I will get over myself and go to school, because I owe it to myself. I deserve better than what I'm doing now. I just... need to get my head out of my ass, basically. XD
3. In other, less self reflective news, I got some cleaning done today. Woot. Didn't quite make it to the post office today, but I have every intention of going before work. ^_^;;; Also mom came home, and I was about ready to strangle her within ten minutes. You know, par for the course, really. I'm SO glad I have to work tomorrow. XDDD
4. It's... ah... really too late to do much of anything now (whoops), but for my own reference, my list of things to do tomorrow:
-Finish spamming updating the writing journal
-Start putting fic on the website (Er, yes, I completely forgot about the site. Predictable, I know. XD)
-Cleaning~
-Write (anything)
fifthmus-Whatever else I feel like ^_^
